The Next Episodes
by E.B. Rowling
Summary: This is what would happen if I owned Grey's Anatomy. My totally obscure, out of wack world of Grey's Anatomy...please review it? Both my characters and I will be extremely please. Thank you! Chapter 24 is up!
1. Episode One

George's hands fumbled over his test results. He couldn't let go of them, not yet. Not now. He couldn't bear to let go of what was lost; this was symbolism of his whole life. If he would just throw the damn thing away, maybe he'd feel better. But he couldn't. He found himself attached.

Callie was long-gone, somewhere in Seattle Grey's, claiming her new office and ordering the new interns around. George could see her now—smiling and raising those perfect eyebrows of her. George wanted to curse himself for not being able to think of her as beautiful…maybe quite attractive, but he couldn't think of her as beautiful. He thought of Izzie as beautiful.

- - - - - - -

Izzie's hands crawled their way around three more cookies.

"Alex!" she cooed, seeing Alex walk in. Immediately, Alex's face fell at the sight of his friend's cookies. Izzie only baked when something was wrong. Something was wrong. The cookies were baked, sitting on the counter and wafting delicious smells towards his nose. But he didn't have time to worry about Izzie. He had to worry about Eva.

"Hey, Iz. Why the cookies?"

"I wanted to make some. I love baking cookies!"

"Iz." He put a hand on her shoulder. Trying to pull off a comforting smile—even though he could hardly pull off a normal one—he looked at her in the face.

"Izzie Stevens, what's wrong? I'll take a cookie, but I'll take it and I'll know what's wrong. Ok? Tell Alex."

Izzie's eyes were cast downward as she handed Alex a cookie and almost reluctantly followed him to the table. She sat down, leaned back, and put her feet on the table. Holding back sufficiently large and wanted tears, she breathed deeply. Stuttering slightly, she told him.

"I love Georgie."

Shadows crawled onto Alex's features. He knew what that meant. He didn't much mind that she was in love again; after Denny, after him. But he did mind that his best friend was in love with a married man. And there was a possibility he loved her back and something was going on, judging by her dazed face.

"And?"

"Nothing's happening. I'm trying to…hold myself back, you know? Just contain myself and let Georgie be with Callie and make myself shut up. But I can't." Izzie looked strained. "I can't just…tell myself to shut up and look at Georgie every day. He's Georgie. We've had…well, never mind. I love Georgie. It's not just me trying to get over Denny. I love him. And I told you."

"You what?" Alex's eyes widened with the shock of this random outburst. But he was glad he was getting it. It was obvious Izzie needed to shake it off of her chest and never hear it again. That's why he was here, right?

"And he didn't respond. I told Georgie that I"—she choked, tears marching quickly and blindly down her pale cheeks—"loved him. And he said nothing. Isn't that just like the…the jerk? But—but…" Her voice trailed off. She fell forward, into Alex's arms and cried. She muffled her cries in his hospital-smelling shirt and felt the sadness. Maybe not for Denny anymore; maybe she had grown up. Or maybe it was for everything. This many tears couldn't just be for Georgie.

- - - - - - -

"To me, you suck. I kind of…hate you."

Why? She cursed herself once again, not noticing the tears. She didn't have the time or energy to dry tears, go look in the mirror, take them off, and go to work. She couldn't even move her numb left arm. She wanted Alex. Like a little baby, she wanted Alex. She couldn't have him. Why couldn't she have him? She had said those words and ruined her whole relationship that might-have-been. Now it was completely gone, disappearing in the midst of all those other relationships. Then there was Eva. Yeah, he loved Ava. But why? What was so special about her other than her lovely lips…her great smile…her perfect display of loveliness and niceness…that to-die-for voice…

Addison wished the racket that her brain was making would halt. She needed to get some sleep. Feeling a slight burst of star energy, she leaned on her arm and saw the clock.

"Crap!" she exclaimed, jumping out of bed. She fell flat. Was she sick? Was this sickness love? Was she just lame from spending a night without sleep? But she had spent many of those worrying, obnoxious nights where she hadn't gotten any sleep. She just felt dizzy now. It wasn't from tiredness. Perfect excuse—she could call in sick and never see Alex Karev's extremely attractive face ever again.

- - - - - - -

Georgie's face twitched as it oftentimes did. It twitched just like he was making an inspirational speech, but in this case, he wasn't. He was looking at pictures of him and Izzie. She was beautiful. Supermodel-beautiful, actually. Did he love her? Questions marched themselves in scramble-filed marching lines across his brain's thoughts. Stamp, stamp, stamp. Were they stamping his love for Callie out?

He lay back in bed and shut his eyes. He couldn't do this. …Right?

- - - - - - - - -

Derek saw her. The petite, beautiful girl. She was down there, in the hallway, talking to each other. They were Bailey's interns. Her hair swung graciously around her head as she cocked her beautiful face slightly and asked a small, unimportant question. Derek liked the way her eyebrows crumpled like that, solemn but fun, every time she asked a question. What was it with him meeting the girls he had met at Joe's at work? Did the Joe's business somehow leak into Seattle Grey's, when they were so beautiful?

"Derek?" Oh, that voice. That. Voice. Derek tried to force a thin-lipped smile. Noticing himself in a glossy window, he noticed it was more of a grimace. No matter. He had to see Meredith.

"Hello, Meredith." His voice was cold and thin-whipped.

"Derek I…I don't know what to think. What about that girl in the bar? Nothing happened? Are you…telling me the truth?"

"Yea. Nothing happened. She flirted with me. She was beautiful."

"Beautiful? Like me-beautiful…I mean, beautiful only to only some people and I don't know why they think that, or Izzie-beautiful…supermodel-style with a knack for modeling lingerie?"

"Supermodel-style. Although not Izzie, blonde and rosy cheeks, but petite, thin, and quiet."

"Oh." Meredith looked down. She couldn't compete with that. And for once in his life, he didn't say, "You are beautiful. Both kinds of beautiful—you, unique beautiful, and supermodel beautiful." He didn't correct her today.

"Well, fine," she said wryly. "Be with…whoever. If you ever see her again."

"I see her right now." Derek's eyebrows were raised as a perfect finger pointed to a woman in the intern circle.

"What is it with you and interns?" spat Meredith before turning on her heel. "And what about me being the love of your life?"

"I don't know what's it with me and interns. They're…special. You being the love of my life? You can't be if you keep…pushing. I'm about to fall off of a **cliff**, Meredith, can't you see? If you'd stop pushing me in the **direction** off these women, I would love you. But it's impossible. If I can't love you today, if I can't love you tomorrow, there's no time in your schedule for me to love you. All right?"

"Not all right!" said Meredith, shaking with the abrupt anxiety. The unwanted sequence that was clicking right before her very eyes wasn't what she wanted. Her breaths shook as did her voice. "I may not be beautiful and my voice may be whiny, but…but I'll always love you. Probably more than that…amazingly beautiful intern. I just have a—a weird way of showing it."

"You're right with that." Derek turned on his heel and walked away. He disappeared into the mounds of people that had appeared all around them.

- - - - - -

Cristina couldn't feel it. The exhilaration of being an attending, the happiness of having her own heart-transplant surgery. The energy that was supposed to create a bubble that would envelop her wasn't coming. She only felt despair. Burke had left her. If anything, she was supposed to be the one who **left Burke.** Burke didn't leave people. As her hands drowsily found their way around the red sea of blood, she could only think of him. She might have been **married** today. She might have been in Burke's arms right now. But she had insisted upon her own surgery and her wish had been granted. And she wasn't in Burke's arms. The thoughts that let themselves run free and untamed in her brain were telling her she wanted to be in Burke's arms. If only her heart would disagree. But it didn't. And she couldn't enjoy the damn surgery.

- -- -

An: I can't last a whole summer without Grey's Anatomy! I think I'll die. So here you go, people, these are /my/ episodes. If I got to choose what would happen, this would be it. It may be a bit...obscure, but this is mainly for me.

PLEASE REVIEW.

I AM BEGGING YOU, ON MY FEET AND BEGGING. I NEVER BEG!

Please review.

Nobody ever reviews.

Ever.

Review?


	2. Episode One Continued

"George?"

Callie walked through the door, seemingly dazed.

"Hey, Cal," he greeted. He couldn't help the weariness that encrusted his words. He just fluttered his eyes at her and forced himself to go into her open, tired arms.

"It's so tiring," she sighed, plopping down onto the bed and shutting her eyes. She leaned back onto the covers and breathed deeply. "Man, chief kind of…sucks. I thought it would be **so** much better. But it…well, it sucks."

"It sucks?" George couldn't help the jerkiness to his words. The swiveled, left and right, until he finally got them back on track. "But be proud, Ca—babe. Babe." He rounded his mouth over "babe." He couldn't help but notice how uncomfortable it was.

"Well, it makes me proud. Hey George, I'm tired. But I need to tell you something."

"What?" George came next to her and lay down, allowing his lips to stiffen themselves on her cheek.

"I want the baby – so badly. You don't really know. It's…totally…insane. Whatever. But, George, is now the right time?"

"We can't wait. You can't wait to be…Addison. You know, she's all…"

"Fossilized? Well yeah. But, George, I can't have our relationship ruined."

"Huh?"

"Izzie Stevens loves you. You don't love her; I get that. Ok. But I don't want this baby to be, like, forced."

"What?" Callie realized what she was saying didn't piece together.

"Okay. Let's not ruin our relationship. That's what I'm saying."

"You won't. We won't. It's fine." _But is it?_ Wondered George silently.

- - - - - -

Meredith was frustrated. But that didn't require for her drunken grin to fade, right? Because it was there, plastered and ready for Derek's lips. She couldn't get rid of it now; it was too late. Her hair lay tired and flunk around her petite head.

"Derek?"

"Meredith." He didn't say it like a question; this was a flat response to her question. There wasn't any surprise she was here. He wasn't excited or disappointed or…even drunk. He wasn't even drunk.

"I _know_ Lexie."

"I'm sure you do. She's a Grey."

"Want to know something?"

"I don't know." The iciness of his words made her mouth lay thin for a moment before she regained her posture and continued.

"She's not my sister. Or my half-sister. Or my anything."

"You said you know her. She has to be your something."

"My family friend. But it's just a coincidence—our names. It's just…coincidental. So that's why she's beautiful and I'm not. My mother loved her more than me. I'm okay with that."

Derek fought the urge to tell her falling ego she was beautiful.

"Oh."

"Do you love me, Derek?"

"You make it so hard sometimes, Meredith."

With that, he stood up. With a simple pad of footsteps walking to the door, a clang of the door closing, and a skillful beep of Derek's car being opened, Meredith's night was over. Maybe her week. Maybe her life.

- - - -

"How much—how much did you love her?"

Izzie's face looked questioningly over at him, or at least as inquiring as it could look through the endless pools of tears that let themselves run untamed down her cheeks. Her blonde hair was thrown carelessly about her beautiful head, her eyebrows smothered down over her eyes, so low that it was hard to believe the eyes and the eyebrows were separate things. Alex shrugged through his tears and tightened his grip around her shoulders.

"Did I love her, though?"

"Did you? I don't know. But I do know that…that Georgie doesn't love me."

"He shouldn't."

"Alex!" She tried to playfully hit his shoulder but it ended up more like a lazy hand-flick that inflicted the spot where he just happened to have a bruise from falling out of despair when he'd seen Ava's empty room.

"Ow. Iz, you're…"

He was interrupted. He was interrupted by a mouth on his mouth. His eyes widened at the shock of this and he felt his heart rampaging about, trying to collect as much data as possible. What? What? What? His brain pounded, synchronized with his heart.

"Izzie—Isabelle—Iz…"

It was too late. He was fallen for her again; over and over it goes.

- - - - -

"There's too much love."

"Tell me about it." Meredith gathered more tequila in her mouth. "Derek doesn't know. Who doesn't know? You love or you don't love."

"Hey Mer, watch it. You're not like that. You love hate people."

"I don't love hate you."

"Burke's just a moron. I should forget, right? Yea, but that damned heart of mine's always getting the best. It's just like. Ugh."

"Freakin' love, we'd do better without."

More shots left a drunk silence between them.

- - - - -

"Derek Shepard! You're needed in surgery." Derek's head cocked up from behind the stairs. His eyebrows asked a question and it was demanding clearly for an answer. "Why? Oh, I l'no. You're just needed. It wasn't on the board 'cuz…well, I donno. Just 'cuz." Derek nodded numbly and shoved his feet into a rippled, uncontrolled walk. His legs were flimsy and had no particular use under his unsteady body.

He found his way into the room. There was Meredith, a resident and complete with the scrub hat and mask. He averted his eyes towards the bleeding patient and tried to ignore her voice's lisp way of speaking. He pretended it was just Bailey's or Addison's.

"This man might die. He's had traumatic head injuries and his heart's undergone some horrible…well, we don't know. But he's bleeding bloody murder and he might not make it. Help us, Doctor Shepard?"

"Of course, Mer—Resident. Sure."

He reluctantly lay his feet, one flat in front of the other, until he was next to her, wrapping his gloved hands over a tool and beginning to scrub in on Meredith's surgery.

- - -

"Man, it's fun being a resident!" cried Cristina over lunch with the residents. She didn't notice Izzie and Alex's faraway faces; distant and calling for help, regret plastered over.

"All these surgeries…our _own_ surgeries, may I add!" said Meredith cheerily, then digging into her turkey sandwich. It tasted bitter on her lips that yearned for Derek's touch.

"Yea, it's great," offered Alex dully. His voice fell flat and sticky on the floor of god knows what. Shame? Amazement? Whatever. It didn't matter. Alex Karev had to stop thinking about all these things.

"Remember the hot-dog eating contest?" asked Izzie. Her voice was dull and lifeless also, picking up itself with random bursts of energy.

"What fun!" giggled Cristina, taking another sip of orange juice. "And I _won_."

"Then you blew up," reminded Alex.

Soon, all the residents were dawdling on memories and laughable sequences that they had taken part of. All residents' romance-novel-like relationships were send buried under all the memories of internship.

- - -

Addison's eyesight had somehow become inflicted. She stumbled around, blurry and dazed—not a clue why this was happening to her. It felt like her head was bursting in little star-bursts, a teeny bit at a time. Then it would come full-blown, crawling and as painful as being a teenager. She was mumbling on the phone with one of her girlfriends in Kansas.

"Man, my head's, like, dying or something. It's so obnoxious! I wonder what wrong?"

"You should get it checked. Wait, shouldn't you know?"

"I can't really think straight. Even though I'm a doctor and stuff. I might get it checked; it's pretty bad. I've never been through something like this."

Suddenly, felt a dizzy spell and fell onto her bed sheets, eyes closed and friend on the other side of the line yelling her name frantically.


	3. Episode Two

"Izzie!" Alex's voice rang in Izzie's ears. She slowly turned back, her eyes pricking through the crowd, looking for Alex. As soon as she spotted him, he was running towards her. She was swept up in his hand and was pulled into a closet.

"That…night…"

"What about it?" asked Izzie, forcing a little grin on her lips. Bags peeped up under her brown eyes, but those brown eyes were dancing. What was in her eyes?

"Izzie, who are we kidding? This is nothing. This is us getting rid of our totally crappy relationships. Please, Iz, don't try it. We're friends. We used to be…not friends, but now we're just friends. Iz, don't get over Georgie with me."

Izzie's face was anticipating now, her mind was obviously clicking over what words she was going to say next. For a moment, her eyes were nothing more than slits, and then they reappeared in full block.

"I felt something. I haven't felt something like that—not with Georgie, not with anybody."

"Izzie!" screamed Alex, slamming himself against the opposite wall. "No, no, no! You can't damn do this to yourself! Not to me! We're _friends_, Iz, don't you ruin that! Crap, _love George_ if you must. Fine, we tried to get over it. Ok, it didn't work. So get over yourself, Iz, and lead a life that you won't regret. Ok?" With that, Alex stormed out, his face like a puzzle. Bits were in shock, bits were triumphant, and some were just crestfallen. Izzie's world trembled, swaying in a canoe-rocking swing, and then it lay still. She didn't love Alex. He was right. But she couldn't love Georgie.

- - - - -

Addison somehow found her hand crawling across her carpeted floor, and by a random, lucky guess, plopping on her phone. Her head felt like it was splitting with a shockingly painful headache. She grabbed her head and moaned with every spurt of pain, every head-ripping moment.

"Hello? It's Addison. I'm home sick, and I feel…" Her voice pointed downwards, falling with no end. "I'm in so much pain…" Her voice faltered again and the rest of her words were incoherent and slurred. Somehow, the nurse at the other end understood.

"Tell me your address?"

Addison stumbled over it but choked it out.

"All right; the ambulance will be right there."

Addison felt a pang of unwanted annoyance at how calm the person at the other end was. Addison felt like death with just round the next turn and this woman was whispering and breathing normally…the exact opposite of yelling, sweating, heavy-breathing Addison. She was never like this.

"Now!" screeched Addison before setting down the phone. She felt her feet scoring the carpet, patrolling herself in broken circles. Her legs tightened after a while of this hysteria and she heard the knock and the slam of an ambulance's door.

"Addison Montgomery!"

She fell into their arms with an intense thankfulness.

- - - -

"Derek?" Meredith was making her way through the crowd again, resurfacing after last night's episode.

"Meredith, hi."

Meredith found herself in a closet, so near to Derek that she felt herself feeling a bit pink-flushed and faint. There was no need to waste time.

"I love you, Derek."

"Meredith, I can't love you. I just can't bring myself to…to breath for you, and love you, and feel you every day and then let myself fall again. I brought you out of the water, I breathed for you. I fell for you; I let myself fall into your splintery trap time after time. I can't let these things happen to me so much, Meredith! You're hurting me. Can't you see? Whether your dad's being…a bit rude and if your stepmother died, you won't let me gather you in my arms and let me kiss you. I want a girl like that, that won't be reluctant to my love. I love you, Meredith, but I can't—I can't handle you!"

He pushed open the door, slamming it with such force that Meredith felt herself fall against the wall. Tears burned in her eyes like fires, and instead of letting them camp out in her eyes, she let them spill little rivers down her flushed cheeks. Pain and defeat crawled into her spiraling brain and stomach; the sadness inflicted upon her seemingly unbearable. It wasn't going to end, was it? She loved Derek. How could she had done that to him? Time after time…

- - - -

"Cristina Yang? Could I please speak to you?" Bailey's face was polite; not too forceful, not too unhappy. But it clearly told Cristina she couldn't scoot away with a lame excuse. Cristina found herself in front of Bailey, looking intently into the shorter woman's eyes.

"Yes?"

"Don't use that impatient tone with me! I mean. Sorry. I'm sorry about your marriage and everything, and I'm very, very sorry to have to say this. Preston Burke had a stroke."

Cristina felt her world become frigid cold with the iciness and shock of those worlds. For a moment, her earth stopped turning and her ear's beats were synchronized with her heart's. And immediately, as Cristina usually did, she began to panic.

"What? Where? Why? How? He's perfectly healthy! What's wrong? A stroke? Why? Does it have something to do with _me_? What did I do? Oh god, oh _god_! Well, god damn-it, tell me where the hell he is!"

Bailey cowered slightly under Cristina's feistiness and then spoke slowly and sweetly, every word direct and simple.

"Burke says he doesn't wanna see you yet. But he's in room I87, and he'll wait for ya, ok, sweetie? Cristina, don't panic. He's actually pretty okay."

Cristina felt a bit astonished at Bailey's calmness.

"Ok," spluttered Cristina, backing off. She ran down the hospital hallways and shoved herself into a closet. She allowed herself to cry. Cristina Yang never cried, and here she was, finding herself crying for the second time in less than a week. Where was Cristina Yang?

- - - -

Georgie had thought about it. He leaned his head back and thought, the thoughts quietly dazing him into frequent, random naps. But now he was here, in the present time—not sleeping—and he knew what he had to do. He had to go to Mercy West. They'd still accept him and he wanted to be a surgeon. Despite all the connection with the people he sometimes felt, thinking of his father, he wanted to be one. It was his life's ambition—would he throw it all away? He also knew that he had to put aside Izzie. Isobel Stevens would never be his, and he didn't _really_ want her. Or at least, that's what he tried to convince himself. Going to Mercy West would be easy; a new start, a new beginning for Georgie and all his traumas. He could start over at a less dramatic hospital and live his life as an intern, then a resident, then an attending. And Callie was right. It would be simple and sliding to talk to Callie after work, telling her how his day had been, because she wouldn't know. For some reason, that reassured him like Izzie's back-patting and muffin-making. He couldn't love Izzie anymore. He couldn't even think of her thick, luscious locks. He couldn't think of her perfectly-poised everything, or her anything. Oh, but there he was again. Thinking about Izzie. He controlled himself for a while, looking more into Mercy West on the computer, and then he went back to looking at pictures of him and Izzie. He wasn't connected with Izzie anymore, and that made this ever so much more easy. Even though he loved Izzie, it was time to let go.

- - - - - -

AN: What the heck is wrong with you people? NO GIZZIE? I'm controlling myself completely! Do you know how hard it is? I love them; they're just the sweetest. What's your problem, people? GOSH! But I'm refraining from it, as you can see I'm clearing up all the Gizzie that I began. And thank you so much to the reviewers! It means so much to me! Please keep reviewing!

I can't wish for 40 reviews; that's a bit much. But I can wish for twenty by Chapter 4? If you people are nice enough to me? Pleeease?

And, as you can see, I'm not happy with Derek right now. He's being a big jerk so I'm making him an even bigger jerk in my story and making Meredith the good girl, even though she's usually not. And, are you on the edge of your chair, wondering what's wrong with Addison?

But you probably guessed.

BUT IF YOU DIDN'T, STAY TUNED:D


	4. Episode Two Continued

Addison didn't trust the interns that were gathering. Their faces were shining with sweat already, their soft skin unpunctured by blood and Addison had the feeling they weren't ready for blood. Not that she would be doing any bleeding. But she didn't want any daisy-smelling interns that hadn't handled blood. But the throbbing in her forehead and underneath her hair was so unbearable she couldn't speak. Suddenly, she felt a familiar hand on her arm. Derek Shepard's loving arm, although right now it was urgent and alarmed.

"Addison?" he asked. His voice seemed strained and stringy. He was worried. That made her perk up a little bit, although that slight bit of perking couldn't make its way through her agony.

"Der…" Her voice died.

"We're getting you into Seattle Grace. But, why're you so ill? Is it a headache?"

There was a feeble nod.

"Oh. All right." Derek felt that this didn't need pursuing so he let himself fall behind the new interns and followed the crowd, leading Addison to size up the interns by herself.

By the look of the angular-headed thin one, with her knitted eyebrows and look of purse concentration and a slight bit of annoyance, she was just like Cristina. Not Asian, beautiful and brown-haired, but she still showed fleeting signs of Cristina. The annoyed push-back of hair, the eyebrows, the eyes so determined and focused. Another one, she saw with a slight singe of disgust, seemed like Alex—uncoordinated, not especially skilled, immature and a bit foolish. He was much more clumsy than Alex, though, or perhaps all his tripping was to catch little glimpses of the Cristina-like girl's perfect butt. Another seemed exactly like Meredith, a bit self-conscious and self-concerned, but determined and willfully take-charge-y when necessary. She sometimes found herself dabbling in front of the crowd and then sunk back in. In and out, just like Meredith. But Addison was finding her brain blanking out and she could no longer find any of her friend's traits. She was unconscious.

- - - -

Izzie loved this. She loved having her own surgery and being able to tell a random intern, "Get the scalpel" or whatever. She loved being here and cutting up somebody's insides. It made her forget momentarily about Georgie and Alex and whatever else there was in her life that wasn't straight. And she did like her intern remotely. Although a bit spacey, the intern reminded her faintly of Georgie. Awkward, twitchy, jumpy, and yet settling and pleasing. He was sort of cute, she noted, with a slight bit of laughable disgust. She was thinking about the interns like this now? She must really be desperate. But the new interns _were _interesting. She ordered the Georgie-like one—Samuel—for a tool and he obliged. She felt kind of special, like a queen on her throne, ordering the ones around her.

- - - -

"Is he ready?" Cristina's voice was stretchy and tired. "Is he ready for me to see him?"

"Yes, he is," breathed Bailey. "He's ready today."

"That's why you called me here?"

"Yes, Yang. That's why. Now, you've got a surgery scheduled in forty-five minutes, and I don't want to see you relaxing on Burke's bed in that time. You are to be prepping the interns at the time, understand?"

"I understand." Cristina's face was beyond excitement, so Bailey let her flit away. Cristina's feet tapped through the crowd, ringing her excitement and slight despair of seeing him. As soon as she came to the room number that lay carefully-placed on the wall, she paused, breath-taken. What was he going to say? What was she going to say? She played a certain scene in which they both pledged their love for each other and ran off and got eloped, but slapped herself out of that. Cristina didn't oftentimes dream things of that sort of fantasy. Instead of thinking, she went in. Maybe that was a mistake. There was Burke, helpless and alone, under the covers. His face was a reflection of Cristina's face—shocked, doubtful, and sorry. Why was Cristina sorry? Would anybody know?

- - - - -

Callie O'Malley had never felt more pressured. After all three surgeries today had provided, and all that ordering of interns and all that seeing of residents and attendings, all she wanted to do was cuddle up in bed with George and sleep. But all the more pressure considering Addison was in this hospital. The rumor and news of it had traveled very fast, rumor and news hand-in-hand. Callie had heard that Addison's death day was set for three days from now, that she was in the surgical room, getting a heart transplant, and would then fly to Vegas. She learned from her "sources" (the interns) that Addison didn't have anything of the sort happening to her. All that was happening was an excruciating headache—worse than Callie's at the moment (she didn't know that was possible!)—and she was getting tested. Callie felt it necessary to wait for Addison's results. The possibilities of this situation weighted heavily on Callie's shoulders. Suddenly, there was a brisk knock on the door before it was impatiently thrown open.

"Callie O'Malley! Chief! You're needed in room U87!" It was the intern that reminded her of Georgie in an odd way. Callie didn't have time to think of that now; she burst up and got out of the room immediately. Addison was in need of her. She didn't give Samuel a nod of recognition as she usually did to her interns—she was in a mad dash to Addison's room.

"Addison!"

Addison was in the bed, looking weak after her sudden headache attack. Callie threw herself in the next to Addison, being close and comforting as possible after her stressful day. "Addison, what's wrong?" Addison's words seemed to be lost to her so Callie looked up at the doctor. She didn't know the doctor and didn't really care.

"She's got a brain tumor."


	5. Episode Three

Callie's mouth spluttered and disbelief shook her violently. The shaking rippled through her body and then despair filled her eyes with tears.

"No! No!"

The doctor went on to describe the medical possibilities of this, but Callie blocked them out. Her mental pain was too much for it.

"Chief? Doctor O'Malley?" She blocked out these words; the were interrupted by her fit of hysterics, shaking and sobbing. She felt herself crumpling under the shock of this. Addison just watched with wide eyes as her friend slipped into craziness.

- - -

"P-P-Preston?"

"Cristina." His response was weary. _He_ was obviously weary. "It's nothing to worry about."

"I know."

"I'm going to be back before you know it."

"I know. ...Can we…talk?"

Burke was slightly taken aback; Cristina hardly ever resolved anything with mere _talking._ That was Izzie. Well, no, Izzie used muffins.

"All right." Burke settled back, ready for a long conversation. He wasn't the slightest bit regretful.

"Why did you leave me? You basically freakin' left me at the alter—I thought that…well, I didn't…well, everybody thought that _I_ would be the one. But you? I was ready! I was ready to be in your arms, to _be_ Cristina Burke! I was even getting used to the name! And then you come and you're…you're regretting it. You smiled and been like all along? Have I not noticed? God! God, Pres, you left me! At the church! You're…left me there, in my wedding dress, with all the guests. You embarrassed me. You made me annoyed. You were freakin' obnoxious! Is this what you've been like all along? Have I just not noticed?"

Burke breathed out and then closed his eyes.

"Cristina. I left you because you didn't _really_ want it. I could feel that you didn't - I could feel that you're not the relationship-type. You're a resident now, and as if that's not pressure enough, I forced a wedding on you. Cristina, don't you understand? I love you. You might love me. But I can't make you commit to something...that's completely against your nature."

Cristina just blinked, knowing the trueness of this. Her breathing became weary and half-hearted, shove-y and thick.

"I love you, Preston," was all she could mutter. All he did was nod.

- - - -

The residents—with some attendings thrown in—sat in a small circle. Some sat on couches, some on the floor. They were in Izzie's house, muffins laying solitary and wafting fresh smells towards them.

"I'm sorry for Preston, Cristina," said Georgie quietly, as if any more sadness needed to be thrown in in a situation like this.

"We're here for Addison," replied Cristina, whispering.

"I know. I just thought I'd...throw that in..." Georgie's voice faltered and all of them sat still.

"So, Addison is undergoing surgery tomorrow?" guessed Meredith, not quite noticing she was saying it out loud. She knew the response.

"Yea."

- - - -

Meredith and Cristina lay in bed together. The darkness settled like a leaf upon them, swift and light. Cristina's whispers fell like a broken melody from her lips. They lulled Meredith's ringing ears. And Meredith pushed out advice.

"I love him."

"He loves you."

"Why would he leave me? His 'reason' is a bunch of bullshit. He's a bunch of bullshit. I don't need Preston Burke. Hey, I've got an idea. Let's go to Joe's."

"_No_, Cristina, getting drunk isn't the answer! For once, it's just not the answer."

"Not the answer? Coming from _Meredith Grey_?"

"Cristina."

"Sorry."

There was a shifty silence. Meredith snuggled deeper into the covers, stretching her petite legs towards the edge of the bed. For just a fleeting, stupid moment, she wished she was tall enough to hang her legs off the edge. Why? Nobody would ever know.

"Your turn," Cristina was saying.

"Mine? Derek hates me."

"I wouldn't go so far as _hates_ you, Meredith. He just needs a break. You need a break. We all need breaks from McDreamy's McAss-y-ness and Preston Burke's bullshit."

"Yea."

- - - -

Derek looked at the patient, scarred and heaving unsteady breaths. His eyes wandered over the patient's body. It was stiff, like a cardboard doll sitting on a hospital breath.

"What happened?"

"This patient, Kelsey Lowenstein, has a Multiple Personality Disorder. Her one living relative tells us that she has got three personalities, all of which have separate names: Kelsey, Haley, and Danni. She, in Danni's mode, which is the one who is a slight bit too risky, went sky-diving, took a wrong hit, and is now here, in Seattle Grey's."

Derek raised his eyebrows at Burke.

"Seriously?"

"Quite seriously."

"That's very strange."

"Yes, it is. We need two interns to scrub in on the surgery…we might have to amputate Jackie's leg."

Derek raised his eyebrows higher, until they connected with his perfect hairline. He stumbled backwards slightly.

"Don't we need the confirmation? From Danni? From Kelsey? From Haley?"

"Mostly likely. Or a relative. So, we'll ask her living relative – Jackie Lowenstein."

Derek nodded.

"All right. Where's Jackie?"

"Outside, in the waiting room."

Derek nodded again, then inspected Burke.

"Preston? You had a stroke – just a week and a half ago. Why'd they let you out? Don't you need all that time to…recover?"

"Nope," smiled Burke cheerily – but the cheeriness was so fake that it bent out his throat bones. "It was _very_ minor. Very, very minor, and now I'm here, tending for this Multiple Personality Disorder patient! Haley, Danni, and Kelsey. I'm here to tend for all three of them."

It was a lousy attempt at a joke, but Derek giggled just a smidge and left the room, leaving Burke and his awkwardness.

Inwardly, Burke wasn't okay. He wasn't even "okay, let's laugh and make this better" okay. He had no idea how he'd faked such cheeriness. Cristina was gone. Cristina was gone…or at least to him. In their excruciatingly long encounter in his hospital room, he had gone from "we can get through this!" to "Oh god, I've lost the love of my life." Because he had. He had left Cristina, illuminating beauty throughout the large church room, standing in front of the doors – so ready! – and now she didn't trust him. Who would? Burke's impossible, scarring thoughts were temporarily broken by a slight hiccup from the patient's bed. It was hard to tell who she was until she spoke.

"Where'm I? The hospital bed? How'd I get here? I was just skydiving! Well, this is weird. Who're you? D'you know where I am? Hey, you're in scrubs. Are you my doctor? Are you smart? Hey, hey! Why'm I connected to a machine? Ouch, my leg stings! So does my head! _What's going on?_"

All of these questions caught Burke, mid waking up from his crestfallen thoughts, by surprise. It was quite clearly reckless Danni, and Danni's attitude wasn't one that you wanted to be groggy with.

"You're in a hospital. You hurt yourself skydiving – you hurt yourself very badly. I'm your doctor, Preston Burke, and I'll be helping you. Yes, you may feel twinges of pain in the head, the leg, and probably the arm."

Burke struggled to remember what she had just said, trying to see if he had answered all of her questions.

"Are you smart?"

Right, there was that one.

"Ask my fellow doctors about that."

"You just said 'fellow doctors.' Ya gotta be smart. And all your doctor lingo's gonna drive me _nuts_, so if y'er gonna use it, please go somewhere else?"

"I promise I won't, except for when I'm speaking to your other doctor – Doctor Shepard."

"Mm-k. Are they cute? You're kinda cute. I like your chin. It's hot."

Burke just blinked.

"I mean, doctors are supposed to be hot, right? Well, not the girls. Pretty girls are models and whatnot, but the guys are supposed to be hot and geeky. Are you geeky? Yea, you're probably geeky. This Doctor Shepard…is he hot?"

"Hmm…let's see what you think?" suggested Derek, smiling at the doorway, a beautiful, blonde woman trailing behind him. As soon as Derek was released into the room, not bothering to look back at Danni's wide eyes, Jackie was set free, pouncing on Danni.

"Oh Dan-Dan! It's Dan-Dan, right?"

"Uh yea."

"DAN-DAN! I told you _not_ to go skydiving! I swear, your 'courageousness' wears me out."

In a whispering tone, but altogether too obvious, Danni said, "Lookit that doctor. Isn't he hot? He's not even geeky-hot, like that Preston guy or whatever…he's Doctor _Shepard._ More like Doctor _Dreamy_ if you ask me!"

"It's _Mc_Dreamy," corrected Meredith from the door. She held in giggles that bothered her stomach to erupt.

"Hey, Burke? You're wanted in surgery room…uh…97 or something." Burke nodded and obliged, parting from the room's foggy contents. Derek and Meredith were left, meeting eyes and then pushing away, meeting and then pushing. Isn't that what always happened with them? Pushing – pulling – pushing – pulling.


	6. Episode Three Continued

Izzie didn't feel anything. She didn't feel "love," or that crazy thing she liked to think was love because she was bored with her life. She certainly wasn't bored with her life now. Georgie hadn't spoken to her. In days. And he wasn't there. Where was he? She had tried calling his house, several times, but had only crawled into Callie's voice or gotten the answering machine. She'd grown to hate the answering machine.

Callie answering the phone was probably the worst. She would interrogate, question, and politely comment until Izzie was at the point of throwing herself off of a cliff.

"Hi! Is Georgie there?"

"Georgie? Georgie? Who's that? Oh, you mean George _Torres_? Oh woops. I mean George O'Malley. He's out. What do you need? Is something going on?"

"No. He's my friend…"

"Oh. Right! Your friend! So, has anything dramatic been happening lately? I've been so _worried_ about you since that whole Denny incident…"

At that point, Izzie's facial expression would turn into that of a cannibal's before an attack, but she would settle herself onto a couch, say a lame excuse, and hang up almost immediately. Did Callie have no respect for other people's emotions? Ever since that flipping "chief residency" thing, she had been as pig-headed and stubborn as ever – if not more.

Izzie was now flipping through a magazine, absent-mindedly checking out the beautiful man on the cologne adds. She only half-heartedly did so, listening to Meredith's never-ending rant that she was whining to Cristina, and thinking about Alex. What had that been? They weren't drunk. They weren't anything. Well, they were suffering. Suffering to the point of recklessness, and then they had ended up … there. Together. Had she felt anything? No, she told herself quite honestly. She hadn't felt anything; only sadness that she was there, suffering, instead of baking muffins. Which she had done that morning, I might add.

Alex barged in, immediately complaining about a sore back and a badly-ending surgery.

"The man freakin' died!" he sighed, plopping down and immediately beginning to peel of his socks. All the women in the room backed up slightly.

"He died?" asked Izzie, not really noticing who she was talking to. She was too busy thinking about him.

"Yea. He wasn't feeling too good or _something_, and he let up and died."

All the women shrugged.

"Wait. Where's George? He's, like, my island of sanity – the only guy."

"It took you this long to notice he's gone?" sighed Meredith.

"Yessssss…now, where is he?"

"Who knows?"

"Probably Mercy West," added Izzie.

"Oh, most likely," nodded Cristina. Her head bobbed to efficiently and it caused pointed stairs to stand in her track to her locker. "Oh god, lay off."

- - - -

"_Oh, Addie," sighed Derek Shepard. "You're the best. You know, I've always loved you. Meredith Grey's a fowl bastard, and I hate her. but _you, _Addison Montgomery, are the best. You're the best. The very best!" _

"_Hey, Derek," pushed in Mark. "She's mine! Look at what a babe she is! And she knows she loves me! Right? Just 'cuz we didn't last it those weeks or whatever doesn't mean we can't last. We weren't rightly dating –and I know if we were rightly, we'd be able to pull it off. Very well. Don't you think, Addison?" _

"_Guys, it's so obvious she loves me," shrugged Alex. "I mean, look at her. Look at me. We're the perfect match. She's hot, I'm hot." _

"_You sound like me!" chirped Mark. _

"_Well, I am. It's one of those situations I have to bring it up. Forget about Ava. I'm almost forgetting her. My big love's her. Duh! She's Addison – hottest chick around, man." _

Addison woke up from this frightening sequence with a shiver. She was suddenly strangely aware of a cold sensation, leaking along her body's bloodstream.

"Oh god, where _am_ I?" she muttered to herself before realizing, staring around her. She had a brain tumor. There was a chance of dying. This realization attacked her, full-force, using the horrid possibilities as bullets and the concept of dying as their fists. Addison felt bloodied and battered once her eyes were fully open and her grogginess had subsided. She felt defeated. Maybe she was. Maybe this was what she got for telling Alex, who she couldn't help but adore, that she "kind of hated" him. Or maybe it was for Derek – although hadn't she already lost enough because of that? Or was it because of Slone? No. Not because of Slone; definitely not because of Slone. Then the Georgie-like intern caught her view. He was fumbling awkwardly through some medicines.

"Which _one?_" he was crying to himself frantically, whimpering like a little lost puppy dog.

"Samuel," breathed Addison heavily, "it's the one to the left. Get this straight. You'll be doing it forever." Although Addison only faintly remembered her internship, she remembered hell and mixing up one medicine with another and killing a patient. Oh, weren't those the days?

"Isn't it hell?" Her voice was raspy, but she noticed that it was full-on and strong. She began to call Samuel "George" in her mind and kept it like that.

"What?" asked Samuel, his voice pushy.

"The internship."

"Oh."

"Wait. Have you been sleeping with a woman in this hospital? One of the interns?"

"Um. No. Of…yes."

"Stop it. Right now. The interns, from last year, could give you a lot of wisdom. Don't sleep with fellow interns. Don't fall into love at work. Just stop it."

Samuel stared at her, wide-eyed and settled upon a sort of bewildered look.

"Don't look like that. Who is it?"

"L-L-Lexie Grey."

"Oh. Well, just stop it. That's enough sleeping. Are any of the other interns sleeping with anybody in this hospital?"

"K…K…Karl slept with…with Janie and … and Janie slept … Janie slept with Diane."

"Diane? A girl?"

"Uh-huh."

"Ok. This is getting really weird."

- - --

Callie couldn't remember a time in which she'd felt so alone. She didn't feel Georgie's presence, although he had called a mere three minutes ago. She hadn't answered. She could have, and heard his voice, and settled herself into thinking of her husband, but she couldn't. Callie was alone, in the Chief's office, and monitoring every surgery going on in the Surgical Floor. So many. Too many to cont. She didn't even feel the need to ask a passing nurse about the interns' relationship status – was it really hers to know? Chief had known most, probably, but that was from talking to the nurses. Callie still plucked her nose up at nurses, so there was a slim chance she would find out if the interns were sleeping with each other like last year's interns – now residents – had. Callie had realized it, just an hour ago, why Isobel Stevens had sat in the church for over two hours, praying to God silently with Callie overlooking, and why Izzie wouldn't stop calling, and why Izzie and Georgie were so awkward. Now, on top of the heavy load of Addison's struggling body, she knew that her husband had slept with Isobel Stevens the night of the fight. You get around in Seattle Grace.

"Chief O'Malley?"

Oh great. Her train of thought was broken again, as she took a washing sigh and then looked towards the door.

"What, Regina?" she asked in an annoyed tone, severely stating Callie's fowl mood. But Regina, the nurse, didn't follow and went on to tell Callie of Addison's current state. In the room, talking to the intern that everybody secretly called "Georgie" for his awkward clumsiness, warmth, and sweetness. And slight cuteness, Callie added mentally. Even the wide-eyed little plucking pupils.

"Great." The sarcasm dripped statically from her words.

- - -

"Hi, Dr. Shepard!" Danni's hand picked up. But it wasn't Danni – Danni would chuck right into the flirting. _Who is it?_ Derek wondered mentally. But he kept that inside and waited for the girl to keep talking. "May I say you look especially nice today? How was your day? It looks like it wasn't too tiring." The difference between this girl's flirting – Haley, by the way – was that it was sweet and sincere. You could tell by her knitted eyebrows when she censored something alarming or wrong in Derek. Ever since the first time Meredith had met Danni/Haley/Kelsey, two weeks ago, Derek had fallen in love with the MPD woman. He called her Dr. MPD in his mind. He didn't _really_ love her, he wasn't a springer like that. He didn't jump from woman to woman. He hardly jumped to the women before he was shaken off. But Dr. MPD was something special to him. Finally. Something special.

"Oh no. What's wrong?" The censorship radar had fallen upon him. Dr. Shepard began to take a few tests on her newly-amputated leg as he talked.

"I love Meredith. Don't I? I'm supposed to. That's what I said; I said what I meant. But she was pushing. Now, as always, when I'm reluctant, she's pulling. Pull, push…that's all we do. She's so difficult. I'm so difficult. You're so simple, despite those three heads of yours. What's wrong with me?"

Haley's eyes softened. Her hand landed on Derek's working one.

"You love her. I feel it. I feel your love for her. But it's like a sea-saw with you two—push, pull, you're just right. You stomp when she hugs, she hugs when you stomp. I don't think it'll work. I think you two need time off, and then you'll realize it. 'You don't realize what you've got 'till you've lost it,' Jackie always says. So just lose it. Then bring it back."

Derek wandered around in Haley's wife words as he fumbled through results and such. Why was she so good at this and he wasn't?

- - -

Addison skeptically reviewed her choices. If she was going to be daze-y and groggy like this all the time, she had better just give in to the fantasy world. It was much better than her real world, anyways. Linking her words to novels she had once read, in the midst of her endless surgeries, she was having fun. Currently, she was seeing Mark, Derek, and Alex fight over her.

"_Bastard! She loves me!" Alex cried, crippling Mark's rib. _

"_Huh? You're kidding, right? Right? Because it's so obvious. Have you seen Addison's looks she gives me? They're full of…lust." _

"_Lust? More like hatred, Slone! If she loves anybody, it's me!" pointed out Derek. Addison (_in her fantasy world)_ nodded pointedly at him. Her expression clearly read "Score one for McDreamy!" _

_Alex's attractive face curved until it was spiraling in annoyance and spite. He hit Mark's shin with his shoe. The kick contained such force that Mark was knocked over, sprawling onto Derek's feet. Derek immediately began stomping Mark down as Mark cringed. _

"_You cheated on Addison!" screamed Alex. _

_Score on for Alex! _

_So far, it was a tie between Alex and Derek. Mark had won nothing. He was being rude and harassing. _

"_She's such a babe in the bed! She knows that and she loves hearing it!"_

_Mark struggled to reattach himself to Earth's surface, but eventually got up as Alex and Derek wrestled each other, each arcing each other backwards, trying to knock the other one to the ground. Mark locked Addison in an embrace. Derek, noticing, ran over and sent Mark sliding off into the distance. _

"Dr. Montgomery?" Oh, yay. It was Samuel's little caring voice.

"Hi, Sammy!" greeted Addison, just recovering from her sequence. She would have to save it in a file; it was time to hear the intern gossip.

"What's happening now? Is Derek kissing you? Mark? Alex?"

"Derek," confirmed Addison, lazily sitting up and letting Samuel search the medicines for the right one. She didn't point out the right one, Addison wanted him to stay.

"Now, who's kissing _you_, Sammy?" There was no need to waste time.

"Lexie."

"Still? You're boring. What about Diane?"

"Diane?"

"Still with Janie?"

"Yea. But Janie's with Josh."

"Josh? But he doesn't like anybody!"

"Now he does. He's with Janie, and it's pretty serious."

"Then what's Janie doing in Diane's bed?"

"No idea. I just know."

"Are these _facts_?"

"Heard 'em from the people themselves."

"All right…" Addison was feeling a bit uneasy. Or maybe it was wooziness she was experiencing. "My head's hell."

"I'm sure it is."

- - -

Cristina felt her eyes on his. They lay there, fluttering like little feathers in the wind. She didn't mind. She didn't care that his eyes were darting right back, poking her in the stomach like swords. It was like when they had had the infamous Silence in which neither one of them had spoken. After his tremors. When they hadn't said "Uncle." But now, they noticed each others presence, and had the capability to talk without "Uncle"-ing. But they chose not to. They chose not to talk because it would stab them in the heart, like love itself.

Meredith's arm was slung over the banister, defeated like the rest of her body.

"Derek and I are really over."

"Yea."

"Cristina!"

"Sometimes it's about you, sometimes it's about me. Right now it's not about either of us. Right now it's about Burke." Cristina's eyes wandered over to his hair. She noticed that it was growing longer. Small pieces were now spreading down towards his ear. She noticed that Burke noticed her eyes separated from his eyes, so his eyes now skimmed across her figure. He she changed?

"Have I changed?"

"Huh? Changed how?" Meredith obviously wasn't paying much attention; she was too busy watching Derek Shepard cross to Burke, ask about his staring at Cristina, and then settling down next to him and pointing his eyes at hers. It was like a Staring Contest, the kind you have when you're in fifth grade.

"I mean … am I different? From when Burke left me at the alter?"

Burke straightened, seeing his name cross Cristina's lips. He stared more pointedly at her, simultaneous with Derek's hardening stare. Meredith's stare back was depressed and airy. As Derek's eyes turned to steel, Meredith backed up slightly. They were having a fight between their eyes.

"You're different. In a good way. I think you get that love's not worth it. I don't think I quite get that yet. You get that sacrifice can be okay. I don't have that. I think you _get_ things, Cristina, I think this downfall has done _good_ for you."

Meredith felt tears pulling at her eyes longingly; she had to cry. Derek noticed the reddening rim of Meredith's eyes and pulled back on the steel-glare and blinked. Both of them had surrendered, put up the white flag, and backed down. Yes, the relationship was gone in the wind. But no, they weren't.

- - -

Callie stared at George. They had long surpassed actual words, now it was just passed glances. George's were uneasy. Why? And why couldn't she _ask_ him? Why was she pulling a Cristina-and-Burke, not talking? Because she knew. Because she knew and she couldn't talk to him.

"I know."

"I got that."

"I know."

Silence met the second set of "I know."

"Why?"

"Alcohol."

"You win the Best Excuse of the Year Award. Honestly, George. Why?"

"It was a fight. There was alcohol. Izzie's…"

"Beautiful? More attractive than me?"

"No. Nothing like that. It was…"

"Spur of the moment? Whatever, George." Callie began to stand up, but was pulled down by George's stare.

"I love you."

"Can I believe you any more?"

- - -


	7. Episode Four

Callie stared at them. The two lines that made her life's shattering clatter about in her ears. She leaned back, stressed beyond any notion of _breathing_, and thought of George. Then she did all she could do. She ran. Just like a normal person, she ran. But this time, she had a destination. Her hands, sweaty and shaking, grasped around the phone like it was a lifesaving object. It basically was.

"Addison?" she breathed. "Something's happened."

"What?"

Addison, recognizing the beyond-stressed tone that weighed Callie's voice, became urgent. Addison's weary body tightened.

"You said you wouldn't be my friend." Sobs encrusted her words.

"Oh my god. You're pregnant."

- - -

"What's wrong?"

Haley, Danni, and Kelsey had morphed into one person: Dr. MPD. Derek had completely given up on decidedly choosing which personality she was currently processing, and he had just named her "Dr. MPD." She was fond of the name. Now, if you'd like to know, it was Kelsey.

"Meredith and I broke up."

"Good. Now you two can feel _missing_."

"I guess."

Derek's breath wavered over pressure and sadness. All Dr. MPD did was grab his busy hands and pull them close to her.

"Stop working. Lie with me for a while," she pleaded, her eyes proceeding his, wandering about with his beautiful pupils. Derek gladly did so, tumbling into bed next to his new best friend. His arms wrapped around her average-sized body.

"I wanted to be an intern. Like those people that come and go in here sometimes."

Derek's distraction caught her off-guard and she just watched him for a while, unblinking. After the dragging silence, she sighed.

"Derek, Meredith is perfect for you. Meredith _is_ the love of your life. But right now, she's a resident. Right now, you need a break. Right now, she's crying. _Right now,_ you're unfocused. But soon – when it's not _right now_ – you'll be back in her arms and you'll know missing. Missing will be your long-lost friend, because you'll feel Meredith again. But right now, you can't. Right now, Meredith is lost to you."

"Lost?" spluttered Derek.

"She's a resident. She's growing up. She's not whining. You're sea-sawing. Both of you together. But soon, it'll be fine. Ok? So breath. Just breath."

A moist silence heated the air. Not a lover's silence, but a silence full of thought. Dr. MPD and Derek oftentimes felt these.

"What kind of doctor?"

He ruffled his fingers through her hair.

"A plastic surgeon. I always thought that that's better. People _pay_ for the pain they get, they know what's coming in for them. I don't like to see people who are forced into such a dark, dark world of a hospital and they're not ready. I don't want my patient to bleed all over me."

"I see. That's smart of you."

"Are you glad you're you and not … uh … who's the plastic surgeon? Mark?"

"Yea. And I'm glad."

"Good."

- - -

"We need _lives_, Cristina."

"This is our life."

"Staring? Staring across the elevators is our life? What's so fantastic about this? _Why_ are we here?"

"I'll think of something good, Meredith …"

"Cristina. Long ago – how long ago? – I made a pact with George. I told him that I was done with relationships at work; that I had a career to think about. Now it's more. Now I've got my career and I've got my life and I've got my dead stepmother and _my_ insane father. We need to get away. We need to stop staring. We're not like that.

- - -

Callie felt the emotional agony that passed between Callie and Addison before Addison burst into gasp-y sobs, on Callie's undeniably horrible stage.

"Oh, Cal!" she cried, between large breaths. Callie slipped next to Addison in the bed and let her tears leak and mingle with Addison's, creating a large puddle on Addison's mattress already. They weren't even five minutes into the meeting.

"Why's George such an ass?" asked Callie. "Why's Izzie Stevens here? _Why the hell did I not know?_"

None of these questions were answerable so Addison kept silent, pretending she couldn't talk between her sobs. She didn't tell Callie that her sobs were partly for herself; for her aching, tired self that belonged to a brain tumor. The brain tumor didn't belong to her. _She_ belonged to the brain tumor. She told Callie so after a slow and steady silence and Callie turned over.

"What's it with Seattle Grace? It's so … dramatic. It's so _unnecessarily_ dramatic that I got used to it."

"What the hell is with life."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement. It was the statement that Addison thought philosophers should ponder, the question everybody should ask themselves before they went to sleep at night or after a particularly nasty divorce.

What the hell is with life?

- - -

After a long hour's worth of talking, Addison and Callie's hand-in-hand sobs had subsided and were replaced by the emotion drooling onto their conversation now; it was quiet and partly mumbled.

"Samuel's gone."

"What?"

Addison was suddenly alert through the pangs of pain that her head protruded throughout her body. She cringed after a moment of sitting up and fell back into the covers with a defiant _whack._

"He decided that he wouldn't be a good surgeon."

"He would have been!" fought Addison as if she had any control over it. "He was brilliant. He was the best. He was …"

"Special? Yea. Samuel was special. Samuel was Georgie. Samuel's running away from the interns' drama."

"Who cares? Why?"

Addison couldn't cry anymore. She couldn't cry and let her feelings run free and wild, trickling through the mattresses' already-damp covers. Instead, she lay down, crestfallen and refused to let her muscles move the slightest bit. Instead, she lay still and let her eyes glue to the ceiling.

"Why?"

"What the _hell_ is with life?"

- - -

"I've told so many men I loved them. Denny – George – Alex. I can't have loved all of them. I _can't_ have … felt something as strong as love for all of them. Can I? Can anybody?"

Izzie shifted on the carpet, leaning herself against the wall. Her eyes fluttered shut and her eyelids reminded Meredith of two neutral-colored butterfly wings, closing together beautifully.

"Nobody can love so many people."

"I'm going to count off the men I can't have _really_ loved. Alex."

"He's an ass. He's an ass to everybody."

"Yea. I don't _know_ about George! Why can't I _know_, Meredith?" Izzie's eyes became red-rimmed, like a snake's, with the unshed tears that begged, on their knees crying "with a cherry on top." But instead, they rested uncomfortably on the top of her eyes, watering it up there and making Izzie shift again. She couldn't take all the uncomfortable ness blended with alcohol and Meredith's extreme drunkness. But Izzie didn't stand up. Instead, she sprayed a questioning glance at Meredith.

"Because God doesn't want you to know."

"Maybe there's _not_ a god."

"Where's Optimistic Izzie?"

"She's taking a vacation."

- - -

Alex breathed a weary, half-digested breath and flopped back on the bed. He heard Izzie and Meredith's voice strong and clear. Feeling half-disgruntled from the two beers he'd had at Joe's, he listened. His ears perked in intentness as he heard Meredith declaring him "an ass."

Was he an ass? Was that why he couldn't be with Ava? Was that why Addison "kind of hated" him? Oh, right. He remembered with a little light bulb's flash Addison was wasting away in a hospital bed right now, probably crying and having headaches.

It was like everybody in Seattle Grace loved somebody. Or "loved" somebody. Maybe they were all needy, self-absorbed brats who thought they could get anything they wanted. As Alex mused over this thought, he smiled. But the smile was soon eaten by a large frown, coexisting with his face's crumpled look.

"I can't handle this," he whispered to no one in particular.

"Why not?"

Meredith's hip bumped against the door's frame.

"Leave."

"What can't you handle? And why?"

"You're drunk, Meredith. Leave. IZZIE!"

Izzie collected herself, sprawled and drunk, from the ground.

"What?"

"Get Meredith out."

Izzie sloppily led Meredith out. With three drunk people in one house, anything could happen. Luckily, it wasn't happening.

- - -

Derek smiled down at Dr. MPD

"Dr. MPD?" he said slowly, cautiously rounding his tongue around the words.

"What?"

"You're good to go."

Dr. MPD stood still for a second, her face immediately crawling from one intense emotion – flying happiness – to crestfallen and shocked. "Why?" she choked. "What? To leave? Here? Leave you? I … can't. I … no! Why? What?" She soon fell into the black pit Seattle Grace knew too well – crying.

"Oh … Dr. MPD …" Derek sat himself down next to her, forcing his arm's limbs to wrap around her shoulders. It was anything but comforting; in fact, it was twitchy, clingy, and slightly obnoxious. It was too tight yet too loose. Dr. MPD proved inconsolable, her shoulders rocking like a boat at a sea-storm and tears creating oceans on the hospital bed.

"How can I leave? I've got an amputated leg. I can … talk to you. _You_ get me. _Nobody_ gets me! Nobody … you … this is more home than home."

Jackie, who was standing at the doorway, leaned her head against the wall out of sympathy. All Derek could do was comfort with whispers of "shh" and "Dr. MPD … it'll be fine …"

- - -

Addison had undergone another surgery. Her head was hell and Diane was taking care of her, mixing two medicines together to create a stronger one. Addison didn't even try talking to Diane. Well, at least for the first few minutes. Then …

"You shouldn't sleep with engaged people."

"Huh?"

"I know. I know about you and Janie. And it's wrong. Janie's engaged. Josh loves her. Janie loves Josh."

"Janie loves _me_! Her life's a mess; she said 'yes' to somebody she doesn't love!"

"Diane. Listen to me. _Listen to me._ Her life _is_ a mess, but it's because she's cheating on her fiancé. It's because you're in her life; and whether she loves you or not, whether she said 'yes' to the wrong person … it doesn't matter. Get away. Back away. Before it's too late.


	8. Episode Four Continued

_AN: Hey, guys! Sorry I haven't updated for a while – not counting Chapter 7. It's just I've been busy and, when I finally finished Chapter 7, my computer deleted all those labored-for pages … ugh. I don't even want to talk about it. So sorry about the last chapter's badness, but I hope this one will make for it. Looking at my work (I'm writing this as I just get onto page 2 of my story) I think it's not going to do well. Could somebody tell me how I'm doing on grasping the characters? I feel like Callie and Addison are completely out of my reach. It's saddening. I love Addison and Callie as characters, but when it comes to having them, I'm just pathetic. Or is that just in my own, skewed mind? Please tell me:D_

_So anyways. _

_This Fic brings joy to my life – and so do reviews! So review, review, review! YAY! _

_See you! Hope you enjoy this chapter!_

_--Emily—_

_- - - _

Derek felt broken. He lay on his trailer's bed and played the reluctant shouts of Dr. MPD's displeasure. He felt displeasure himself; it wheezed in his stomach and made his insides feel like they were turned inside-out. It all was reflected on his face, shining loud and clear that he was afraid. He was afraid of Meredith, he was afraid of going back to Seattle Grace and having nothing – _nobody_ – to love him right back. He had no projects at the moment, and the emptiness felt like it was taking over. It rounded around his body like a bubble. A large, taking-over bubble that separated him from all the "bright and shiny" people. It separated him from the Earth's atmosphere. He felt like he was flying, but to Meredith's "dark and twisty" land.

Meredith. He couldn't get her dirty-blonde-haired face out of his filling mind. Speaking of filling, that's what his eyes were doing – water swayed dangerously in them.

Derek felt broken and hallow, like an old, forgotten porcelain doll of a little girl.

- - -

Addison's fear ebbed as he listened to the doctor go on and on, speaking of her medical issues. The brain tumor was growing, despite all the surgeries. It was taking over. She had a very strong chance of dying.

Death.

Was it the worst thing that could happen to you?

Later that night, when darkness had settled itself comfortably, looming over Seattle, Addison dialed Callie's number.

"Callie?" she smiled, hearing Callie's grunt of waking up.

"Addison!"

Callie was immediately awake.

"I'm so crampy right now, it's not even funny. God. Babies are hell in a bulge on your stomach."

"Yeah. Hey, Callie … can this be about me?"

"Uh. Sure. What's wrong?"

"I could die. I could die and I don't have a man to love me. I cheated on my husband; I dated to 'Mc's and I told Alex something I didn't mean. I lived a lie and I'm going to die a lie. I don't _want_ to die a lie; I can't _handle_ dying a lie. I just can't deal with it. I'm going to die fossilized and man-less, with only you to call my own who won't call me evil or a whore or … whatever."

Callie plunged into sympathy for Addison. She didn't notice the silence; she was too immersed in her own feelings. Then she resurfaced and shuddered a breath.

"So what if you're man-less? So what if you're fossilized? So what if the interns call you evil or a whore. You're not a whore. You're not evil. You've had so many people in your life that have been like your children. You've dated some great guys, and you've lived your life as much as you could."

Callie couldn't push out a pretended "you won't die." She knew the logic. She couldn't deny that damned doctor's logic.

- - -

Meredith felt the hangover pulsing before she even was fully awake. It weighed her mind's thoughts down heavily and pushed them down. She groaned, rolled over, and met Cristina's face with her dangling hand. Eyes shot open, she wondered for a moment if she'd made a _big_ mistake. But no, Cristina was fully-clothed and snoring on Izzie's chest. Izzie? Cristina?

When did Cristina come into the picture?

_How_ many beers and shots had she had?

"Izzie?" she whispered. Izzie was the only one who would wake up and not let out a string of curse words that would make a sailor go purple.

"What?" moaned Izzie. "Oh _god_, my head hurts."

"Yeah. So, did we go to Joe's and pick up Cristina or something?"

"Uh-huh."

"Oh god. That is a helluva _lot_ of alcohol that we drank."

Meredith estimated in her mind and immediately let go of that estimation; she couldn't bear the pain it brought. Was she that depressed? What _was_ it with Seattle Grace doctors and alcohol consumption?

"Izzie, Meredith, Yang!" called Alex. "Off your lazy asses; work starts in ten minutes."

Alex's line was followed with a loud smack of a door. Meredith and Izzie were up, tugging Cristina up from her bushels of deep breathing, and they were speeding around the room as fast as cars in a race.

"Oh god!" they all told themselves accusingly. They shouldn't have drank that much on a day before work.

"Hey," brought up Meredith in the car a few minutes later, as they were all nursing coffee as if it was a god, "at least I didn't pick up any inappropriate men."

- - -

Burke and Derek stared at each other over an awkward display of lunch that they would not eat.

"I left Cristina."

"Dr. MPD is gone."

"Our lives are nothing more than whispers."

"Drink to that."

There was the clink of two lame water bottles meeting.

- - -

Callie breathed over the phone conversation with George. She felt empty. She felt alone. The baby that was slowly becoming something more than a seed inside of her pulsed and pushed and cramped and made her learn that becoming a mother was just obnoxious. Why had she even _tried_?

"Is – is –"

"What, George? Spit it out. I'm tired. There's a frikin' baby growing inside me. Spit it _out._"

"Is it o-o-ver? Y-you and m-me?"

"Stop it. Stop it; it's not over. I'm pregnant. You slept with Isobel. I'm mad. I'm _steamed._ And I think you're a moronic jerk. But it's not over. It _can't_ be over."

"O … k …"

George's awkwardness, like a thirteen-year-old boy's, made Callie soften slightly, and it showed on her melting features.

"It's not okay," she said slowly, prickling cautiously around the words, "but you're half-forgiven."

"YES!"

"Half."

- - -

Addison peered through narrowed eyes at Diane. She was efficient, no doubting that, and her hands were quick and easy. She "loved blood" and thought that being a heart surgeon would be "super cool." She was an immature, spoiled girl who declared she "loved Janie" and Josh was "a jerk." Addison was fed up with Diane's immaturity and inability to read other people's feelings. Today, Diane was swiftly mixing Addison's new medicines into one swirling bottle of water and then handed it to her.

"Janie's wedding's tomorrow. She's going to say no. I can feel it. She _loves_ me."

"Shut up, Diane."

It was enough. It was _enough_ from Ms. Twat and Addison felt the need to turn back to her regular, brain-tumor-filled lifestyle. Diane seemed half shocked, but then her face turned into a built-up wall that hid her features. She was stiff and shifty with Addison for the next five minutes, and then she left the room.

Addison heard Callie's scrubs rumple in the doorway.

"Ah. Pregnancy," sighed Callie. She didn't get next to Addison. Addison's pain was evident and her next surgery was in the next ten minutes. In response, all Addison did was take a sip of water and watch – with a sighed amusement lifting her lips – the lights that buzzed about and interrupted her brain's thick patterns. All Callie did was watch as Addison's face crumpled more and more, her head hurting so much she felt like it was becoming purple, then red, then pink, than something that was swollen and overly-large. All that they surpassed was mental pictures, and the mental pictures stopped in midair. Neither one could use telepathy.

The doctor, Dr. Carlton, came in and began to explain.

"Shut up," sighed Addison. As she began to roll down through the hallways, she wanted to ignore her real life. She drifted off.

_Alex's lips were perfectly poised on hers. They felt like poison, dripping with the ripe joy he felt in kissing her, and addictive. _

"_Oh, Alex. You know that I don't really hate you. Nobody could." _

"_Everybody does." _

"_They're all … wrong …" _

_Mark and Derek's shouts became clear in Alex's and Addison's ears, so their lips parted ever so reluctantly. Addison made her way through the grove of flowers and found Derek and Mark kicking each other's blood clean out of their body on the stone patio. Addison's gorgeous, flow-y ball gown swept out behind her as she rushed towards them, apprehension streaking across her face. _

"_Boys!" she cried. "Soon there'll be nothing more of each other so you can't have me!" _

_This halted their fight and both sat down on the ground, defeated and bloody. With a caring hand, Addison began to clean them up. Alex, thinking it would win Addison's heart, leaned down and began to care for Mark as Addison cared for Derek. _

_As soon as Addison felt Derek's pulse quicken, she smiled. His blood cleared way to reveal his beautiful skin and Addison smiled. _

"_I'm forgetting all about Meredith," commented Derek, "now that I'm looking into your eyes." _

_They locked in a passionate kiss with Alex and Mark on-looking, a buzzing jealousy taking over their eyes. _

Addison woke up some time later, lying in an emptied hospital room. She noticed it wasn't her room. Then panic set in, realizing what that must mean. She was in a different room. This could mean one of two things, actually, she realized: she was getting better and her room was sent to somebody sicker than she, or this room was symbolism of her getting worse.

Soon enough, judging by the expression on Callie's down-hearted face, Addison realized it was because she was getting worse.

"It's huge," sighed Callie. No tears came. It was just a mutual sadness that was shared between the two friends.

"I'm fossilized and I've got a big rock in my brain. Great."

_--- _

_AN: Hey guys, I'm writing another author's note. I'm currently struggling with my writing, regaining my grasping-the-charecters and whatever, so please bear with me? And tell me some lines I can fix that aren't in charecter. Ok? _

_THANKS!_

_REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!! _

_:D_


	9. Episode 4 Continued Continued

Derek leaned over his bed, settling the thoughts in his brain. Addison was moved to another room, due to her growing tumor. Callie was pregnant. Meredith and him were broken up. Dr. MPD was gone and he was left with only Jackie's address.

He stared at it in his hand.

"Dr. MPD"

And the address followed.

He swept his fingers over the words and drank in the still-fresh scent of the Multiple-Personality-Disordered human being that he had cared so greatly about.

"You're learning to miss," she'd oftentimes say when Derek was feeling down about Meredith. It seemed like he was always down about Meredith and it was too detectable – or maybe she saw. Maybe Dr. MPD was the only person in his life that could pick up his emotions with just a simple walk across a room. What was it? How would she know?

But know he knew missing, he told himself, getting back on-subject. Derek Shepard understood missing too well now; his lesson was over-learned. So it was time to get it back.

His fingers, filled with anxiety and nervousness, but egged on by his own true emotions and his "knowing of missing," dialed Meredith Grey's phone number.

Izzie picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hi…it's Dr. Shepard. Is Meredith there? I need to talk to her. Tell her…tell her it's important."

There was the soft pad of footsteps from the other side of the phone and a serene call of "Meredith? Derek!"

"Where?" cried an worrisome voice.

"On the _phone_!" assured Izzie.

"What?" Meredith's voice was so starch that Derek didn't say anything for a moment. Then he lurched into what he needed to say.

"I know what missing is."

"Huh?"

"I broke up with you because we'd had too much. We didn't know missing, we didn't know … we just didn't know. So it was over. And now I know missing. And now I know _you_. I can feel you now. I can know you now. I can hear what you're thinking just by looking at you. Take me back, Meredith Grey, because I know how to miss."

- - -

"Derek knows how to miss," sighed Meredith, slumped over on Izzie's shoulder, Meredith's hand accompanied by Cristina's. Her friends by her side, she felt more comfortable talking about it. "I didn't know what to say. I said 'Why didn't you know before?' He told me that he was 'incapable of missing.' Now he says he's learned his lesson too well. That he wants me back."

"Do you really want to be back in McAss's arms?"

Guess who that was.

"CRISTINA!" shouted Izzie. "Meredith, think. Don't just do, don't just say, just because Derek tells you 'he knows how to miss.' I mean, what the hell does that mean? Wait, don't answer that, you've already explained. But it's weird. He's weird and indifferent and it's just on-and-off. It might not be like that. You have to _think_, Meredith, and not drink tequila and 'sleep with inappropriate men.'"

Meredith's face was twisted in contemplation and her friends gave worried glances to each other. Meredith looked strange with the expression on her face – like she was a philosopher, thinking about dying. It seemed so important that it made Izzie stand up and announced that it was muffin time. Cristina groaned but Meredith looked attentive.

"Can I have blueberry?" she requested.

Cristina just grunted, explaining to Izzie that muffins weren't her thing.

"Two blueberry muffins it is!" smiled Izzie, too chipper. She began to wind her fingers around dough, water, blueberries, and other things needed for baking.

"I know how to miss," said Cristina. "Derek and I have that in common."

- - - -

Callie looked at unconscious Addison.

"Why is she unconscious?"

"She's on drugs," explained Dr. Carson.

"Oh."

Callie neared her and traced her finger around Addison's beautiful facial features. Her fluttered-closed eyelids, her thin, pursed lips, her beautifully-shaped nose, her fiery red hair that spewed all around her in a heavenly way …

Callie felt a pang of random jealousy. She wondered where it had come from, but then immediately knew the answer – pregnancy.

"Hey, Chief?"

It was Bailey.

"Yes?" responded Callie flatly.

"Isobel Stevens is handing out _muffins_ to all the residents, Attendings, patients, and random passerbys. It's … well, you know. Stevens is scaring a few patients with her 'cheery' grin. Could you get the muffins away?"

"Why doesn't somebody else? I can't see Isobel right now."

"_Now."_

"All right."

Callie scurried down the hallway, hurriedly searching for Izzie so she could get it over with. Sure enough, right in front of her was fake, happy Izzie, handing a muffin to a patient with leukemia. The leukemia-patient was a child of a mere nine years, so the nine-year-old – Nina – smiled graciously and engaged in conversation with Izzie. Callie decided not to ruin that little bond that was forming, so she began to turn around.

She bumped into Mark Sloan.

"Move it," she demanded, when she tried to get around him and all he did was get in her way. "What's your frikin' problem?"

"You're pregnant with George's baby?"

"Yea. What do _you_ have to say about it?"

"I have to say 'big mistake.'" He prodded her stomach and she leaned back, disgusted.

"You're a moron," she sighed, attempting to get past. Mark was a barrier, stopping her from getting back to her office. So instead, she wasn't reluctant and watched his reaction as her eyes grew wide and she rose discreetly to her tip-toes. Staring him down wasn't easy. He responded just like Derek had, agreeing and letting her through. Callie felt a smile caress her lips and she nodded to herself. _I'm a good starer,_ she joked to herself, half mumbling it.

- - -

Meredith leaned over the man she was performing surgery on and ordered a tool from Diane, the intern to her right.

"This surgery's easy," complained Diane, shifting from one foot to another.

"Deal with it," replied Meredith. Diane's eyebrows knitted.

"What's wrong with _you_?"

"Shut up." Meredith ordered another tool.

"Well, you're whiny today. Oh wait, that's not unnatural."

"SHUT UP!"

"Fine."

Cristina, who was just coming in, saw Meredith saying shut up to an intern and frowned a pointed frown, accompanied with a sigh.

"Stop taking out your anger on the poor, innocent devils of interns," smiled Cristina.

"Meh," responded Meredith. "Whatever." She ordered yet another tool and plucked out the man's gut.

"EW!" screamed a nurse. "Oh god!" She flung a tool tray off from the table and went sprinting out.

"What the _hell_ was that?" cried Cristina.

"A new, afraid-of-blood nurse," shrugged Diane. "That's kind of pathetic."

"Kind of? It's beyond pathetic. It's _moronic._ Why is she here? Oh god." Cristina leaned down, crinkling her fresh-smelling scrubs (they had just been in the wash), and picking up the tools, rearranging them in their rightful place, and rebounding to where she was supposed to be – standing up and keeping an eye on stressful Meredith.

"Stop watching me."

"I have to."

"Stop it. Now. I'm fine. Just because I've got a little … drama doesn't mean I can't take care of myself. So _stop it._"

Cristina obliged, taking a tool straight from Diane's hand and plucking out another gut. This time, nobody got the satisfaction of a running-away nurse.

_---_

_AN: Hey!! I'm updating a lot tonight, to make up for all that time I didn't. _

_I hated this chapter so much. _

_Whatever... _

_So, I need some advice on that stick-to-charecter thing!_

_Am I doing it or not?_

_And PLEASE REVIEW:D_

_See ya. _

_Bye! _

_I think there'll be an update in the next half hour. ;) _


	10. Eh, Not Quite Episode 5

_AN: Oh crap. Do you know how much I hate this chapter? I think it's the worst chapter of Fanfiction I've ever made. But I have to put it on, and please don't give me too many flames. _

_Thanks to all the reviewers that push me into updating. _

_A sarcastic thanks to all those people who are also doing the next episodes that make me discouraged with all their amazinglyfantasticalness in their writing. I feel so inferior towards you. (Cough cough, KATHERINE AUSTEN, you stupid amazing writer.) _

_Soooooo … PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!_

_You don't know how much I love reviews. _

_They can be like "this story sucks eggs, man" or "this story is my life" or "blah" or ANYTHING! I just love reviews!_

_And if anybody has any pairing requests (Yes, to all you millions of MerDer fans, they're back together. Yay, cheer-clap.) _

_Hey guys, should Addison die? _

_I'm forgetting about the spin-off, phooey that. _

_I don't think she should die, but let's hear the readers' opinion. _

_Ok, I'm off to post this … as reluctant as I am. _

_SEE YOU GUYS!_

_REVIEW!!!!!!!_

_- - - - _

Meredith took a sharp intake of breath then turned her eyes to steel, peering at Derek from head to toe. Did she love him? Addison hadn't. But that was different. This was Derek Shepard, _Meredith's_ McDreamy. She was the love of his life.

He'd broken up with her. He'd said that she was ruining his chances at the run for Chief. He had done … so much. But then he had done so much good. Then he had been the McDreamy everybody saw.

"I want you to be my McDreamy. I want you to be my McDreamy without faults or anger. But I can't have that McDreamy. I can't have everybody's McDreamy – the man who everybody stares at and thinks is so _wonderful._ But you can't be my McAss, Cristina's McAss. You have to be my Mc…Meredith."

"Your McMeredith?" Derek leaned on his elbows, peering at her. It wasn't an accusation; he didn't spit it out or complain. He just responded.

"_My_ McMeredith. You'll love me. You can't be my McDreamy. You can't be my McAss. So you have to be my McMeredith."

"I" – Derek took her hands in his and caught her eyes with a bit of digging and scooping to find them – "will be your McWhatever."

- - -

_Addison writhed and seethed on the ground, hissing from pain and sobbing from the touch of any man. They all stood around, dumbstruck and having no clue of what to do. _

"_What's wrong with her?" one of them cried every once in a while. _

_But mostly it was silence; silence that took up space and made Addison's head hurt more than it already did, for her blood to spill more steady-fast and dripping onto the boys' shoes. _

"_It hurts!" _

"_We can't _help_ you, Addie!" sighed Alex, leaning down next to Addison and attempting to catch her lips. All that happened was he looked like a fool, lips puckered with nobody at the other end. _

Addison woke up, yet again, to an intern. But it wasn't Diane. It was an attractive African American who was expertly sifting through Addison's newest medicines; they were coming by the barrel now.

"Who are you?"

Addison groggily sat up in bed, ignoring the excruciating pain it caused here.

"I'm Janie," said the intern, dumping the contents of the medicine bottles into the water bottle. She began to close the lid and shake it up, but was stopped by Addison.

"Why are all my interns leaving? Why did _Diane_ leave?"

"Huh? Oh. Diane didn't leave. She's just not skilled enough for this job. I'm more … qualified."

"Oh. Well, Samuel left, right? They didn't lie to me and say that he left?"

"No. He actually left. He's serious with Lexie Grey; I don't see why he'd want to leave."

"Because you shouldn't have relationships at work. Speaking of relationships at work, how's Josh?"

Janie looked taken aback for a moment, but then the shock subsided and she smiled.

"Sorry, I thought you meant the sex. He's fine. He's a great husband and he wants to be a neurosurgeon."

"Is he smart?"

"He's brilliant."

"Well, that's good. Are you still sleeping with Diane?"

Now Janie stumbled backwards, hit with the force of that. She turned to Addison, red-rim-eyed and gasped, "How the hell do you know that? How the hell – did Diane tell you?"

"Samuel did."

"That bastard! WELL, FUCK OFF. I don't care what you think, you doctors. I don't care if you know or if you don't know. But you're not in the position to _tell me off_!"

"I'm _not_ going to, trust me. And fine. I will 'fuck off.' I see you're not one of the better interns here."

"No, I'm the _best._"

- - -

Derek smiled across the hallway at Meredith. The relationship hadn't stumbled back to its feet as relationships mostly do, it had just come back, more full-force than ever. It had been celebrated by a reuniting of their inner-souls last night. Meredith smiled back, winking. Unfortunately, blocking her path was pregnant Callie O'Malley, who was considerably larger than when she had gotten pregnant a month ago.

"Hello, Chief," smiled Meredith politely.

"Stop _fucking_ staring at your _fucking_ boyfriend!" demanded Callie, flailing her arms for effect. All Meredith did was nod and smile encouragingly and then shift past; she didn't want to deal with a hormonal pregnant woman. Instead, she met Cristina in her track to the on-call room. She was tired, having had three surgeries in one day. Two scrubbing in, one her own.

"Are you going to the on-call room?"

"Hell yeah. How many surgeries?"

"Three."

"I beat you. Six."

"Holy _crap_, Cristina!"

"Well, I'm proud."

The two walked into the on-call room. Meredith flung herself onto the bottom of the bed, Cristina crawled lazily into the top. Then the two women began to talk.

"Callie's especially bitchy today," noted Cristina.

"Yeah."

"McAss is especially in love. You guys hit off right when you got back together. Loud, overpowering sex?"

"Yup!" chirruped Meredith. This seemed to brighten her, so immediately Meredith leapt off of the bed.

"I'm off to do another surgery! I'm going to be-aat you!" she sang, skipping out. All Cristina did was lie back further in bed.

- - -

George felt Izzie's pain; they intercepted her words and made them come more forced, louder and more choked.

"You're being such … so … impossible! You're so _impossible_, George! I've seen you … what? … _twice_ since your wife got married? Why can't you … be near me? Why do we have to stop being best friends? I've got so much to frikin' tell you … Dr. Shepard's McMeredith instead of McDreamy, Cristina's being distant and stares at Burke … I'm a resident! I'm a _resident!_ And you're not here to support me, and you're not even at a restaurant, waiting to support me after my long day."

Izzie just paused, sniffling uncontrollably and waiting for George's twitchy response.

"I-I'm sorry."

That was all. Izzie let her mouth drop in anger.

"What! That's it? That's all you'll give me? 'Sorry'? How about 'Oh I'm so sorry, Iz, I'll see you tonight at Joe's' or 'what the hell? McDreamy's McMeredith?' or at least 'I can't go, Callie's getting all pregnant on me; I'll call you later'?"

"I can't. I … can't."

"That's all you can do! Say 'you can't.' What the hell does that mean, anyways? 'You can't.' You can! You can be my _friend_, George; we're not even working together anymore. You can try. You can't give up. That's what you _can't_ do."

There was a loud untangling sound, Izzie getting herself out of the phone line's wrap, and hanging up with a loud clang. All George did at the other end was wince and let himself drop the phone to the receiver with a loud clatter.

He was dropping his friendship with Izzie along with the phone.

- - -

_AN: The reason this one's ridiculously short is because … well, I don't know. I'm anxious for the next chapter because I hate this one. _

_I need to plan some _really big_ drama next chapter._

_And I won't update unless I get five reviews. _

_DEAL?_

_I know that sounds bad of me, but I'm serious. _

_I just love reviews. _

_So yay!_

_Please request some pairings and give me ideas for dramas? _

_Thanks _

_SEE YA! _

_Emily _


	11. Episode Five

_AN: I love you, my reviewers. I want to hold you and kiss you. _

_It makes me so happy when you're so nice:D_

_And thanks for the pairing suggestions … sorry, but I'm not going to do Izzie/Alex because I'm giving Izzie a break from the male population of Seattle Grace. Or any male, for that matter. Maddison? Hmm. _That _I will do. Don't get too mad, people. _

_Ok. _

_KEEP REVIEWING:D_

_- - - _

Addison felt herself dying. It was if something in her body had broken off its hinge and was just hanging there, precariously. It was ready to drop; it was ready to rumple all of her insides and turn her life onto the 'off' switch. She felt herself dying.

She also felt Mark's hand, half-unconscious or not, it was there. She felt his eyes rubbing along her skin, the burning passion that the two shared equally. She felt Mark Sloan.

She felt death and Mark Sloan, all mixed up – bittersweet ness that she had so long desired. She couldn't talk now, but she pleaded with whatever was up there in the sky watching them that Mark would still be there. She needed to talk to Mark. She needed to think also, so being half-unconscious came in handy. All she did was mutter.

Hopefully the message that the mutter had concealed would reach him and he would stay. But now she had to think.

He was Mark Sloan. _The_ Mark Sloan, the man whore of Seattle Grace. _The_ Mark Sloan, the man she'd cheated on Derek with. _The_ Mark Sloan, who had broken their "pact." But, Addison reminded herself, probably after she'd broken it with Alex.

Mark seemed incapable of growing up; he had stopped aging at the age of about twenty-five. Now he was dimwitted, sex-wanting, and immature. He and Alex would've made such good friends if they didn't hate each other's guts. They both had stopped growing.

Addison wanted to smile at that. She loved to immature men.

Love? _Hold on._

She did _not_ love Alex Karev. Settling that in her many trains of thought, she threw herself back on the subject, almost reluctantly. But not quite. She thought of Mark's face, how caring it could be when he wasn't sexually harassing her in public. Behind his take-over-the-worldly huge ego, there was something more. It was bitterness. It was hatred. It was desire.

Mark was so complicated.

And Addison liked that.

She was complicated too.

- - -

Derek smiled at Meredith from across the table.

"That was …"

"Brilliant," giggled Meredith.

"That it was."

"You don't know how to miss or whatever now, do you?"

"Well, I know. But I don't have to use it … _luckily._" He leaned over and planted a ripe kiss on her lips, full of the wanting that it held. He was so glad to have Meredith back – _his_ Meredith. And now he was her McMeredith. He liked the sound of that, he liked the way it rolled along his tongue in the selective way it was, full of her beauty and her desire for him that matched his desire for her.

It was a desire-filled world and two of the people in it had finally smiled at it and given in. Now they were here: happy and serene.

- - -

Izzie looked at the dog in the cage. Its eyes seemed to penetrate her being, it seemed to be looking at her thoughts.

About Alex, about George, about everybody.

The dog's eyes were wide, like Georgie's. They were shy and full of pout, although love rimmed them like red rimmed your eyes when you were ready to cry. The dog seemed to have been hurt, like so many people in this world. It touched Izzie. The admiration that Izzie felt for it illuminated her features, slowly dragging them away from her many emotions.

She reached out, as if to hold the dog, but her hands were met with the wires that imprisoned him so fiercely. Izzie looked at the price.

Well, she was a resident now. As the cage slowly weighed down her body, she hugged it close. She felt like this was a new beginning – a startling new beginning with this dog that she held in her hand.

"Can I have this dog?"

"That dog? Oh … um … RODNEY?"

"Rodney?" inquired Izzie, her eyebrows knitting.

The cashier didn't respond, but only searched the crowd for this "Rodney." Rodney soon came; a devilishly handsome blonde man.

"What?"

"Uh, can we … sell this dog?"

"Uh, yeah. Duh."

"But it was …"

"Abused? So were half the dogs frikin' _in_ here, Karl, get _over_ yourself."

"O … k … here's your … change."

The change was handed back to Izzie, a whopping nickel.

"Thanks," said Izzie.

She felt her spirit rising with every step, she felt her sins fading as she slowly walked out the door, and she felt herself – Isobel Stevens felt herself for the first time in a while.

- - -

"_What the hell is that_?" cried Meredith, looking at the dog with extreme mortification.

"It's a _dog_, Meredith. See? It's got four legs, ears, and fur. It's a mammal that can-"

"Izzie! I know what it _is_, I'm asking _why_ we have a dog in this house!"

"Oh, he's mine. His name's Love."

"Love? No way! No _way._ I am not having that dog in here and-"

"Hey, look – a dog," smiled Alex, looking at the dog and chortling a bit. "It's so cute! What's its name?"

"Love," announced Izzie proudly. As Alex and Izzie leaned over the dog to pet it, Meredith looked on with a horrified expression set upon her whiny face.

"Why do you have a dog? Why did you name it Love? … Seriously? Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Ugh!"

Meredith stormed out, leaving Izzie and Alex alone to Love, the hyper little beagle.

There was a faint knock on the door. Izzie, hearing it, reluctantly parted with her new best friend and opened the door. Slightly shocked at seeing Derek there, she asked, "Are you here to make up with Meredith? 'Coz if you are, I don't think she's –"

"Haven't you heard? Meredith and I are … back."

"Oh. MEREDITH!"

Meredith was there in T Minus three seconds. The trample down the stairs seemed deafening to Izzie, who hastily made her arms stay at her sides.

"McDreamy's here," announced Izzie triumphantly, glad that Meredith was back.

"He's _McMeredith_ now, haven't you heard?"

"I should have," smiled Izzie, raising her eyebrows. "I'll see you two crazy kids later." With that, Izzie ducked out of the front hall, leaving Meredith and Derek.

"My room?" suggested Meredith. "I mean, no sex but it's not exactly _private_ down here."

But it was too late; Derek was absorbed in watching a dog come near them. The dog's slight pout entranced him as Meredith's had, but there was something else. It was a peculiar-looking dog, spotted and slightly chubby. But it was beautiful. He didn't know what it was. Derek looked up inquiringly.

"It's a dog. _Love._"

"Odd name."

"I named him!" Izzie was just peeping in, finding Love and dragging her back into the kitchen. Meredith and Derek walked upstairs, not a word passed until they were cuddled up nice and close on the comfortable, warm mattress. Then, Derek asked.

"Why don't you like Love?"

Meredith didn't bother asking how he knew, Derek knew all her emotions by one little flick of an eye.

"I had a bad experience when I was younger. I don't like dogs. They're vicious little creatures that are out to kill us."

"I wouldn't go _that_ far."

"I would. Love's just another adding to my long lists of hates for this house."

"Oh yea? What are they?" Derek began plucking his lips around her neck, checking if she responded. She did, with a slight smile and then she gave in to his question. She wouldn't usually answer a question like that.

"The fact muffin-Izzie lives here, the fact that Evil Spawn Alex lives here, the fact that I'm not alone. The fact that we now have a _dog_, against my permission. The fact that … that I can't see you so easily."

Derek blinked, feeling like he was in some sort of trance. Meredith didn't usually say cheesy things like that, she didn't do the whole "lover's" thing. She was changing. He could feel it. And he liked it.

"It's not _that_ long."

"I guess not."

"Which one bothers you the most?"

"Uh … the dog."

Derek laughed. Meredith, not knowing why, just stared up at the ceiling and tried to jigsaw-puzzle piece together everything she was thinking into one sentence.

"You … I'm … we're … - I don't do mushy stuff. I don't do teddy bears, I don't do flowers, I don't do romantic evenings out in the park, making out on a bench. I don't do too much sex. I don't do too little sex."

"I know that; you're pretending like we've never been together. I know you, Meredith."

"It's just, I want you to know that since you're Mc…Whoever, and I'm McDarkandTwisty if you may, I don't want to feel obliged to do that."

"Since when have you felt like _that_?"

"I don't know. I just … felt it. But now that's over. So, anyways! Love's going to be a bratty dog."

"I think she seems sweet."

- - -

_AN: Gah, I know. More fluff. More randomness on my part. I'M FORMULATING A DRAMA PLAN, DON'T' YOU WORRY! It'll be up in … well, I'd say at most an hour. _

_So review, review, review and surprise me!!!_

_:D_


	12. Episode Five Continued

Addison felt his presence. It seemed to expand with every second gone by. Finally, Addison couldn't pretend any longer. She cut the silence.

"Mark, I know you're here."

"I know you know I'm here." He sat down next to her, looking expectantly her way. Softness rimmed his eyes. Her vision, although a bit blurred, pointed this out to her and she realized Mark was hurt by this. By her … brain tumor.

"I'm … fine. Stop worrying."

"You're fine, huh? Sure."

"Well, my head's hell and I'm in a different room and my intern's a bitch, but I'm fine."

"Okay."

Mark didn't come up with any snide remarks; instead, his hand laced into hers. A surge of distinct passion ran through his fingertips and shivered along her spine.

"Addison, I'm sorry I-"

"Don't apologize. I know you can't get here so fast. Calm down. Stop breathing so heavy." Addison blinked at him, seeing his slightly bewildered expression.

"I've been worrying about you. I've been worrying and worrying and – I didn't sleep with anybody. I lied. I lied because I saw you with Alex."

It was Addison's turn to blink now, shock turning her heart into a swaying thunderstorm of beats and emotions. She cleared her throat awkwardly, letting this revive her liveliness. It was time to lie.

"I kind of figured."

"Don't lie."

"I'm sorry, Mark."

"I haven't slept with anybody since you left for L.A."

"Impressive."

It really was.

"I've been feeling things. I've never felt these 'things,' Addison, so it's gonna sound a little weird coming from Seattle Grace's resident man whore."

Addison just waited.

"I think I'm in love with you."

- - -

Izzie's constant babying of the dog kept everybody in the house both annoyed to the point of beheading Izzie and straggled to the point of loving the dog also, just for the heck of it. Or at least that was what was happening in _Alex's_ mind. In Meredith's, it was a completely different story.

"I made muffins!" cried Izzie, the words shooting through the house's atmosphere.

"Oh god," sighed Alex to himself, rolling out of bed. His feet lazily slipped into his slippers as he scratched his five o'clock shadow, grumbling with annoyance testing his voice.

"Izzie Stevens! I don't ever want to be fucking waken up by your _muffins_ ever again," he pleaded.

Izzie ignored this and held out a banana muffin.

"It's your favorite, right?"

"Sure. Let's go with that." Alex plopped down on a chair, watching Izzie with an accusing eye.

"What's wrong _now_?"

"Nothing. Nothing's actually wrong this time," smiled Izzie, pride encrusting her words shyly.

"Fine. 'Nothing's wrong'," mimicked Alex in a mocking voice. Izzie ignored this and let her grin grow wider, spreading across from her perfect-sized ear to perfect-sized ear. Meredith groggily stumbled in, eyelids half-closed and sleep still hinting in her slump and words.

"Izzie, stop with the muffins. I've had enough muffins to feed an army – I'm done with muffins. I've gained, like, six pounds."

"Stop exaggerating! Here, have a blueberry one."

Meredith took it only with the mildest reluctance. She put her head in her hands, taking a slow bite of muffin. As she grinded the food between her morning-breathed teeth, followed with loud swallowing, she thought of Love, who was sniffling around her feet. She was too tired to kick Love.

"Get Love away," demanded Meredith. Nobody obliged and she didn't command much else; she just finished her muffin and then poured herself two cups of coffee. Nobody criticized her, all of the people in the room at the time were involved in their own worlds.

As Love neared Izzie's feet, beginning to drool on her aqua socks, Izzie finally looked up.

"Love!" she giggled manically, cleaning the drool off of the floor and cuddling Love in her hands. "What a cutie-pie, right?"

"Uh…right," Alex said sarcastically.

"Oh, shut up!"

- - -

"They just opened up my skull," announced Addison, watching Callie enter the room, rings of tiredness wearing out her eye's beauty.

"She had a craniotomy," nodded the doctor. His face was split into a wide grin, showing Callie all of his brilliantly white and shiny teeth. Callie, currently blinded from his teeth, didn't think for a moment. Then what he said registered. She felt her heart rate speed up surprisingly. She half-suspected to have a stroke right then and there; her face was shining with a mixed emotion: happiness, amazement, suspicion, and just plain shock.

"She … it's gone?"

"No," sighed the doctor. Callie's face returned to its tired state. "It didn't work."

"Oh."

"I'm dying _every second_!" smiled Addison.

"Drugs?"

"Oh yes," nodded the doctor.

With that, the doctor left the room, leaving drugged Addison and weary Callie alone.

"What's up with the babe inside your stomach?" Addison hit Callie's stomach forcefully.

"Um, it moves."

"Awesome!"

Callie felt tears stinging her ears. She didn't allow them come out and, frowning, found a steady beat drumming in her ears.

"Is it a girl or a boy?"

"We don't know."

"O-oh! Hey, did you know that I might die?"

"Addison, _don't say that._ You don't know."

"How's George? Is he sleeping around?"

"_No_, Addison. He's just with me. He's just … we're just … awkward. It's a little off since I learned of his little _Izzie night_, so we're just awkward. But when I have the kid, I think it'll be a lot different."

"I agree." Addison nodded understandingly. "Well, I'm going to bed!" Addison flopped back and let her eyes close together.

"So am I," sighed Callie, flopping into the hospital bed next to Addison.

- - -

Meredith's face down-hearted what Derek was about to say. He didn't know if this beautiful petite woman across from him could handle the shock that this would bring.

"Meredith?"

"Derek?"

Meredith cuddled closer to him, intertwining her fingers along his, smiling all the while.

"I … I might have to …"

"LOVE'S HERE!" came Izzie's interruption; just at the right moment. Love burst in, fresh out of her first day in obedience school, and immediately began to lick Derek's socks. Derek scrunched his eyes and laughed, pretending that he wasn't about to tell anybody huge news. Instead, he leaned down and scratched Love's ears.

"See? Derek _bonded_!" pointed out Izzie.

"Shut up. I don't like dogs."

"What_ever._"

Meredith looked down at Derek who was recuperating from his present stalling. Slowly, his face lifted back to hers, crestfallen.

"Meredith, can we go to your room?"

Meredith, slightly surprised, obliged.

As soon as they were cuddled tight and close on her bed, Derek gave a sharp intake of breath and then tensed his muscles. He was ready for the attack.

"I might get switched."

"…What?"

"Hospitals. I might have – I might … _I might_ have to go to another hospital."

Meredith's features fell, falling down, cascading into the black pit of hell. So she lay there, muscles tense, shell-shocked and down-falling sadness playing along her features.

"I'm sorry, Meredith … what Dr. Torres-O'Malley says goes and …"

"I've got to go." Meredith stood up, in a frenzy of worry and wanting to get out. "I've got to go and … well, I've just got to _go!_"

Derek, picking up but not ready to let her go, stood up and grasped her arm with passion.

"I'll come with you."

"No, Derek! I've … _got to go_!" She ran out, tears softly flowing down her cheeks, small choking noises uttering from her mouth. Izzie didn't question as she watched Meredith stumble by, clumsy through the blinding tears. All Izzie did was begin to make another fresh ripe of muffins that would be prepared for Meredith when she came home, whining.

- - -

Meredith let her feet sink over the bench at the park. The crisp moist air of the morning was settling around her, the sunset just beginning to peek its way over Seattle's Water. She'd been there for the whole night, thinking and waiting for Derek to come. He never did. He was leaving her.

Just when she'd gotten Derek back, just when he'd become her "McMeredith" he had to go. The Chief - _Callie!_ – was making Derek leave. Purposely? Who knew. She was sacrificing Derek – an amazing surgeon. Phenomenal and on the top of his game, the Chief didn't know what she would miss out on. But what she said went. Meredith wished, momentarily, that she had stayed long enough to know where Derek would go to. It would probably be in some dinky, random place and a small, unknown hospital. Derek wouldn't save lives alongside people he knew anymore.

Pangs of sadness, for Derek and her relationship that would almost definitely fall apart, encased her and she felt depression. It crept up, black and bottomless, and weighed her soul until it dropped. It weighed her heart until she could take it no longer. Meredith stood up, stretched, and watched the water lulling-ly pass over each other, crashing and banging. Seagulls made their cawing ways up above, dew-encrusted grass swayed. Meredith felt serene. She could face Derek at work today.

With this, she began to – slow and steady – make her way back to her house, hoping Derek wasn't there, so she could change and get to work.

- - -

She was at the hospital. Meredith watched all the lives being saved around her, reminded herself she was an up-and-mighty resident, and made a path through the people. Triumphantly, she immediately caught sight of Derek, standing with Dr. Burke and confirming about some surgery that they would be doing later that day. Derek looked worrisome, his eyebrows knitted and unshaved.

"Derek!" Meredith waved her hand. He smiled at her as a feeble greeting, and then came up to her.

"Why did you leave, Meredith?"

"I'm an avoider. I'm an avoider so I left."

"We need to talk."

The closet was the only place without observation, so there they went.

"Where are you going, Derek? Why are you leaving?"

"Because there's more worthy – more less-known places … where my help's needed. I love you, Meredith. I'm your McMeredith, your knight in shining armor – but I have to go. I have to go because I'm needed to save lives."

"What about _my_ life, Derek? You just came back in and you have to go! I love you! You're my knight, my Mc, my … love. You're the love of my life and I'm being punished. I'm being punished because I've been mean to you. I'm being punished because I'm whining _Meredith Grey._ But just … I love you."

"I love you. I want to be all those things. But I can't. I have to save people with brain tumors and cancer and just the simplest hiccups that turn into … something more. I need to detect these things and other hospitals don't have the kind of doctors that can do that. So I have to go."

"_Where? _What place are you needed more than here?"

"In Maryland. George Washington Hospital."

"Derek …"

Meredith didn't have the strength anymore, she let the conversation continue between stairs and laced hands – coming in, coming out.

As if Cristina knew, she burst in, announcing she was having a surgery and offering in.

Meredith immediately took the offer, standing up and running off with Cristina. Running away from her fears.

"How did you know?"

"I saw you two go in. Duh."

"Oh. So you've heard?"

"Yup. The McMeredith's going to McMaryland."

"Not funny."

"Sorry. But this gives you a chance to … you know … be with other guys … pick up inappropriate men – I know how you love that."

"Shut _up_, Cristina! I don't want to pick up any 'inappropriate guys,' I want Derek to be my 'inappropriate guy'. I want my…"

"Mc. You want your Mc."

"I want my Mc."

- - -

Hours had passed since the defining, highlighted point had made a shockingly bright mark in her brain. Now Addison felt herself intertwined with Mark.

"We're back together now?" she guessed, panting mildly, getting over from the shock.

"Welllll … I'd guess so."

"What if I die?"

"You won't -"

"I might though, Mark, and all of you people have to stop pretending that there's _no chance! _I might die. What if I die?"

"I won't get over you."

"Seriously, Mark."

"I'll be sad. I'll be sad and I'll miss you and do that hokey-pokey trying to sleep with other women to get over you thing, it won't work, and I'll try to get you back from the dead. When you don't, I'll live in black for the rest of my life."

Addison nudged him, but her feline-like smile embraced her lips.

With a groan-coaxing footstep, Mark shot up. Noticing his shirt was only half-buttoned, he blushed as the doctor came in.

"Were you-"

"None of your business," replied Addison surely. The doctor shook his head and went over to the medicines, inspecting whether the intern had given her the medicine. She had. It had been a very awkward experience; the intern had come in and found them having sex. She had thrown the medicine in Mark's direction, missed the spot, hit the lamp, and ran out, eyes squeezed shut. So Mark had given Addison the medicine and entered her once more. No big deal if you didn't count the intern being horrified for the rest of her life.

Well, it wasn't like _she'd_ never had sex.

As Mark crept out, slightly embarrassed, all he could think about Addison – and about how he was getting involved with her at the very, very wrong time.


	13. Episode 5 or 6, your Choice

AN: Hi guys! I'm loving these reviews, keep 'em coming! I did Maddison, at your request, and if it's too cheesy or if I'm totally off-character, please tell me! I've never been that great at Mark because I kind of hate him, but I think I did much better than I usually do. Izzie's Happy Muffin Izzie and I feel like keeping her that way, since Love. Sorry about the cheesy dog name; the symbolism that my boyfriend calls me a "cheeseball" for. But, even with its cheesy symbolism, it's cute, right? Tell me if Love's a ridiculous idea and symbol and I'll just kill him off and get the killing-love symbolism over. I'm sorry, Derek lovers, for making him go away, but it's _fun _to play with MerDer's push-and-pull relationship. :-) Ok, please review! Any other pairings or dramas that you really want? If you want somebody with Izzie, you're going to have to wait a while. Izzie needs to time off from "loving" people. This chapter will be much shorter, I promise.

Ok, thanks for reading!

Em-Em

- - -

Izzie figured that if she couldn't have Georgie as a friend, she'd have to make due with the people that lived in her house. So, once all of them were down and roaming around, coffee in hand things on mind, Izzie announced it.

"We're having a family dinner tonight."

"A _what_?" asked Alex, his voice twitching as if it was the stupidest notion he'd ever heard in his life.

"A family dinner," repeated Izzie, "You guys are my friends, we live together, it's a Friday night, so let's have a family dinner."

"I'd rather not," replied Meredith flatly.

"Oh why _not_?" cried Izzie.

"Oh what the hell," sighed Alex. "The only other place I'd be is Joe's."

"All _right_!" Izzie held out her hand so Alex could slap it, but Alex just gave her a slit-eyed stare so she backed away, leaning down to fill Love's bowl. She did so, but so much that the Nibble-Dog Treats flowed over the side in torrents. Meredith shook her head.

"First of all, you're crazy since Love, and second of all, you're spoiling her."

"So _what_?" asked Izzie, exasperation cringing her voice.

"Hey, no muffins!" pointed out Alex, happiness apparent.

"Don't get used to it," retorted Izzie. "So how about it, Mer? Please? Alex said yes! If Evil Spawn - "

"Hey, it's Alex, remember? We're not Evil Spawn-ing."

"All right. Well, if Alex says yes, you have to say yes."

"She's not in the mood," commented Alex. "McDreamy's going to - "

"Cristina already said it. Yeah, Cristina's going to 'McMaryland.' Fine, Iz, I'll come. On one condition. Alex makes _no more_ Mc-jokes. I get enough of that from Cristina."

Alex shrugged.

"Fine."

"YAY!" cheered Izzie.

- - -

Callie stared at mark. After her intentness on hearing his "news," she wasn't so sure that she wanted to say what was dangling precariously off of the cliff that was her mind. So, she strode slowly over her words, making them count and making them crystal-clear to his lovesick mind.

"Mark. Mark, Mark, Mark. Addison has a brain tumor. A frikin' rock in her frikin' brain. She's undergoing … a lot of surgeries. She's _not_ okay right now. And it's _not_ okay if you have sex with her after every surgery. If you want to be with her for the last moments of her life, fine. But no sex."

"No sex?"

"No sex. I know that's hard for you, man whore, but you've got to leave Addison be. You can talk, cuddle, make out, whatever. Just no sex."

"No sex."

"No sex."

- - -

"Callie said no sex."

"Fuck that."

"Does it tire you out? Does it _hurt_ you?"

"It makes me feel better." Addison leaned up and gave him a comforting kiss, her lips leaving a thin spit trail down his face as she released from the kiss. He wiped it off and kissed her back, smiling all the time.

"So some sex."

"Don't tell Callie!" warned Addison. "She's a pregnant hormonal woman. You don't want to mess with her rules."

"Lock the door?"

"Yes."

Mark stood up, waggled his eyebrows in that sexy way of his, and locked the door with a click that rang in Addison's ears like music.

- - -

Cristina's eyebrows raised, smashing into her wavy-haired hairline somewhere along the way. Then her eyes scrunched and she sighed.

"A family dinner? Mer, we don't _do_ family dinners. We do … Joe's."

"I'm doing it for Izzie. Something's hurting Izzie."

"Something's hurting _you._"

"Something's hurting _you_!"

"No. I'm fine. I'm fine because I'm Cristina Yang. I'm not set up for men. I'm not ready for men and they're not ready for me, so I'm fine."

"You're fine," echoed Meredith, smiling distinctly with disbelief.

"I'm _fine_," confirmed Cristina. Meredith shook her head, still smiling a half-grimace, and bent down the hallway. Cristina didn't lag behind; Yangs never lagged behind. She fell in step with Meredith once again.

"We're doing the same surgery, right? That … woman – "

"Yeah. The one with the … brain tumor."

Both fell silent, thinking of Addison's unconscious face.

- - - -

Meredith's face was splattered with tear like an artist's canvas was splattered with paint. It spewed a warmth that met her eyes and made them water more; the uncomfortableness of the situation was overwhelming. Meredith felt the crying tug at her heart as if it was dropping; like her heart was being begged to just drop and get over love.

"I love you, Meredith."

Meredith was silent, numb to Derek's "comforting" hug that was full of strain and regret. She felt the emotions that leaked from his body overpower her with a sense of sadness, a knowing that Derek was gone from her – again.

"Meredith. Answer me. I'm leaving now and I need to know that you love me."

"I …"

The air-announcer's voice bleeped annoyingly above them, reminding them once and for all that Derek was out of Meredith's life again.

"I love …"

"_Say it, Meredith!" _

"I love you, Derek. I…love you, McMeredith. I love you, McDreamy."

"I love you."

Their lover's embrace was strong and fierce, but Meredith felt weakened by its power, its force that caused her tears to cascade and ripple down his broad shoulder. Then Derek was away. It was like he was leaving her life forever. As he waved from the plane's boarding room, Meredith couldn't help but collapse. On the floor she lay, in shambles and hearing her world's breaking-glass ring, and thinking of how it would never work. McDreamy would McPick up another lady before he even had a chance to settle.

- - -


	14. Episode 6

AN: Why am I still on the second page with all my updates today? Hopefully, when you're reading this, I'll be close to the beginning of the first page. Well, the last chapter was pretty short and I don't know how this one'll turn out. Just wait and see. Hey guys, is having Alex attempt at suicide a bit too much? Tell me what you think about that idea!

Thanks for reading!

McEm

- - -

Izzie lay in her bed, feeling deliciously satisfied at the night's outcome. It had began with small talk. Then, with Meredith's bursting into eye shadow-mingled tears, all of them had poured out. Alex's worrying about Addison. How Mark was treating Addison. How the brain tumor was treating Addison. Where Ava was and how she was.

Meredith's McDreamy gone, gone to Maryland to save random people's lives. Meredith's overwhelming sadness.

And Izzie and jointed her problems to the conversation. Georgie's rejection of her, her one-night stand and one-second kiss that had completely ruined their chance at a friendship.

All of them sat, understandingly and taking in the other's problems. Advice had been passed. But it was mostly a get-out session, where you could breath out the problems and cry … and to top it off, Meredith had kissed Love on the forehead and rubbed her feet along Love's soothingly warm sides. Izzie's muffins had tipped the night. Afterwards, Meredith and Alex had departed for drunkness at Joe's. Izzie had decidedly gone in here, leaving her door slightly ajar and welcoming any certain dog that wanted to come in and talk to her. But Love had been worn out and was now lying, like a pudgy, adorable carpet. Well, adorable for a carpet. Love wasn't a very adorable dog.

Izzie felt satisfied.

- - -

Meredith gave a sideways glance at Alex, who was suspiciously three stools away. The bar, ridding itself of its drunk contents, was slowly jarring the music and lowering the prices. Joe had begun a new thing; if you were there past twelve, you got a cheaper drink. Well, for the people that weren't _very_ drunk. A man and a woman went out, the man flirtatiously slapping her butt – repeatedly, Meredith added mentally, and the woman was giggling and her nose swiveled up.

Meredith scooted three chairs down, not at all reluctantly ordering another shot of tequila (her fourth) and beginning a conversation with Alex. Alex was working on his second beer.

"Slow drinker," smiled Meredith.

"I like to take my time, enjoy my getting drunk."

"AH." Meredith nursed her fourth tequila shot.

"_Interesting _night tonight."

"Yes … very."

"Izzie's got some good ideas in that muffin-ed brain of hers."

"Yea."

"Another beer, please?" asked Alex. Joe reluctantly slid it down the counter, along with the remaining bowl of nuts. Alex and Meredith attacked, murdering the poor little nuts until all that was left was the shells of them, lying discarded in the midst of spilled drink and Meredith and Alex's hands, dangerously close. About thirty minutes later, Meredith and Alex were chortling like they had been friends all their lives.

"You're kidding, right?" spluttered Meredith, spewing spit all over. Alex, not caring about the spit, leaned in close and nodded.

"Crazy!" exclaimed Meredith.

"I'm off," said Joe.

"What?" cried Meredith and Alex in unison.

"Well, see, I've got this husband, and I'm getting this baby so-o-o …"

"Oh – ok. See you." Meredith waved him off.

"Hey, you've got to get out," suggested Joe. "I'm gonna lock the doors and - "

"All right. Meredith, c'mon, I'll drive you home." Alex tugged Meredith down from her seat. She emptied it with a slight clatter of heels and a bit of a stumble, but Alex caught her. Sitting her down in a seat behind him, he blasted the air-conditioning, lulled their drunk ears with the sound of Mozart (Meredith didn't question his having Mozart CDs – dozens of them) and began to talk. After a long conversation (chock-full of "Mc" jokes) they swiveled into the driveway.

"Alex …" Meredith stammered a bit before getting to the point. "I … Derek … I need somebody tonight. I need somebody I can hug and …"

"Meredith …"

"Please, Alex. Just for – tonight."

"Umm…" Alex struggled with himself, momentarily, but then caught sight of Meredith's beautiful, weary face, full if begging and home. It shimmered and gleamed; maybe only in his mind, but it captured his heart in a very ferocious, bang sort of way.

"All right."

He led Meredith into his room, flipping on the light only for a moment before turning them off.

"I want a warm body."

"But … okay."

- - -

Meredith woke up to the fresh scent of Alex.

Alex.

Suddenly, with a heart-stopping fear, she felt Alex's body against hers. Alex's body wasn't supposed to be there. That was supposed to be Derek's body. Alex's piece didn't fit into the puzzle.

Struck dumb with mortification, she leapt up, shoving herself onto the opposite wall with such force that she crumpled.

"Alex," she whimpered, fear etching her voice.

"Mer?" he groaned, rolling over. Catching sight of her, bare-backed and … more importantly … bare-fronted, he gave an audible gasp. "Oh god … did I …" Then he remembered. "Oh crap."

"Holy crap."

"We're never going to talk of this – ever again," whispered Alex, watching Meredith return her clothes to her body. He couldn't help thinking a feeble too bad. That woman did have a nice body. But – no! It was Meredith. Head-over-heels-in-love-with-Derek Meredith. So he had to lay off her. Literally and figuratively.

"I'm sorry." Meredith left the room, clanging the door closed with a triumphant bang.

Izzie let out a snort at sight of frenzied Meredith.

"Did you- "

"Don't. Don't say anything."

"I won't."

"Good."

Meredith gave Love a pat before rebounding to her room, feeling strange. Her emptiness that had shadowed her insides since Derek had left – a mere week ago – seemed filled. Why?

---

_AN: Ok, I'm traumatizing the MerDer lovers again. I couldn't help myself! I mean, but this is something Meredith would do. If I get a bunch of "GAH I HATE YOU!"s then I'll stop the whole Merelex, but … ok, whatever. Sorry for the short chapter, I just needed to get it down. _

_REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!! _

- - -

"


	15. Episode 6 CONTINUED

Addison and Mark sat in the afterwork of the

rediscovering of each other they had shared last

night. Addison grumbled and rolled to the right,

rolling directly into Mark's arms. She laughed and

pushed herself off of him.

"Hi."

"Hi," replied Mark, keeping a firm grip on her hand.

"Callie can never know."

"Never," repeated Mark. He kissed Addison; a strong,

passionate kiss. Addison laughed, but then her

laughter resided and turned into a brief head attack;

holding her head and making small whimpering sounds.

Mark, upon seeing them, shot up. His face was mingled

fear and worry.

"Addison?"

He eased his hands out of hers and let her choke and

hold her head.

The doctor, coming in, saw her.

"Surgery!" cried the doctor.

"What?"

But, just as Mark's "what?" pursed out, Addison

stopped. Her eyes full of tears and worry, she looked

up at the doctor.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing. Nothing to worry about, Addie."

"What is going on?"

"You're clearly not getting better-" began the doctor.

- - - -

Derek looked around him. He had just become acquainted

with his surroundings. He had drunk in the fresh scent

of new doctor tools, and he had became mildly friendly

with some of his work-mates. But now, watching the sun

spew onto everything, he missed Seattle. On the news

this morning, rain had been announced for his beloved

rain-drenched Seattle.

"Miss your home-place?" guessed a passerby, also one

of Derek's work-mate's interns.

"Yea," nodded Derek, looking out over top ... nothing.

There were no buildings interrupting the path in front

of the window. He wanted there to be buildings.

"Well ... um ... I miss my place too," volunteered the

intern.

"What's your name?"

"Steven, sir, Steven Bach."

"Where's your home?"

"Kentucky. I miss ... I miss my girlfriend. She's a

beauty."

"Oh yeah? That's the exact same situation as mine,

except I'm from Seattle. The rainy city. And what's

your girlfriend's name? Mine is Meredith. Meredith

Grey."

"Interestin!" chirruped Steven, really meaning it.

"And her name's Lila. Lila's such a beautiful name,

isn't it? Hey, see, here's her picture ..."

As Steven fumbled through his coat's pocket, Derek

began to think. About Meredith, about Steven being a

possible future friend, and how he'd left sickly

and-getting-sicker Addison alone. Well, not alone, but

he'd left her. His thoughts were interrupted by a

gorgeous raven-haired, emerald-eyed, very chesty

woman. The dress she wore in the picture was slick and

tight; a shining red dress with a flower perched at

the top. Steven, beaming, grasped her hand so tightly

you could see his knuckles white. But both of them

looked like they were on top of the world - together.

"Prom," smiled Steven. "She's such a pretty girl.

Lila. Y'know, her real name's Delilah? Delilah's a

beautiful name, but she thinks Lila's prettier and -

don't tell her this - I agree."

Derek snorted whole-heartedly.

"I hope you two keep in touch."

"We most definitely will! I'm gonna ask Lila to marry

me."

"Good luck with that. But - just a little tip - ask

her when you get back home?"

"Yea, will do, sir."

"Derek."

"What?"

"Call me Derek."

- - - -

Meredith was tangled in a catch-and-run fight with

Alex. He would catch her eye, her eye would run away.

Over and over it went, crawl, push, crawl, push. He

had something to tell her. What? What could he

possibly have to tell her?

All Meredith did was take a deep breath. Cristina, who

was currently murdering salad, looked at Meredith.

"Mer, go over there. I can feel his eyes and it's ...

bothering me. Just go talk to him and la-de-da

everything'll be ok. Ok?"

"Ok."

Meredith walked over, tension biting the air all

around them. She slid in a chair next to Alex and

tried her best to look impatient.

"What?" she growled.

"Last night," he replied.

"What about it? We're ... never talking about it

again, remember? Never."

"Um. Right. It's just ... nothing. Nevermind."

"Tell me."

"You made me ..."

"Feel something? Hell no, I did not."

"Get over Ava. That's it. I want to thank you."

"Get over Ava? Wait, hold on! Don't get over Ava! Go

live in your lovesick, pathetic world and never think

of me ever again, Alex! You're ... Evil Spawn. You're

Izzie's traitor. You're ... you're holy frikin' Alex!

So just don't even hint you ever want to see me

again!"

- - -

Mark had won. He lay on the ground, basking in

triumph.

"Did he really win?" asked Alex, his voice dejected.

Addison, who was propped up against the garden shed's

wall, tried to think. Did she really want Mark

winning? These men were fighting over her! Why not

give them the triumph they deserved?

"No."

"What!" screeched Mark.

"Well, I love all of you."

Alex, his mouth reattached to a fishy grin, dove down.

Before any protests peeped from Mark or Derek, his

lips were fully pressed on hers. Addison smiled

momentarily, and then recovered.

"Anybody else?"

Mark dove down; but there were protests. One after

another, in single-file line, they took turns kissing

her. Alex, then Mark, then Derek.

"Who gets the sex?" asked Addison, taunt whipping her

voice.

Addison woke up with a start. Janie was there, mixing

Addison's ever-growing pile of medicine.

"You got a couple new ones," reported Janie.

"I noticed," replied Addison solidly.

"Josh and I are going on our honeymoon in two days!"

"While work's still going on?"

"Yea, Bailey okay-ed it."

"Well, I don't okay it. You shouldn't go and miss out

anything intern year. It's not right."

"Why the hell not?"

"You miss a lot. You're supposed to learn and you

can't do that if you're not there. So ..."

"Let me guess. You 'advise me not to go'? Well, I

advise myself to go. I stopped caring about your

'advice.' I'm not going to stop hooking up with Diane

-"

"Terribly immature of you."

"- and I'm not going to break up with Josh. So get

over yourself."

"You're not supposed to say that to sick people."

"Oh shut up."

AN: Hey guys!!! What's up? I didn't get a lot of

reviews last time, but thank you so much to the ones

who did! Yea, I'm testing Alex and Meredith; something

I've never done. I think they're interesting but I'm

not sure if I'm ready for ... y'know ... full on Alex

and Mer. I mean, Mer's totally head-over-heels in love

with Derek, so ... yeaaa. She wouldn't all the sudden

fall in love with Alex. That wouldn't be natural. Ok,

see you. :) Please, more reviews?

LOve ya.

!EM!


	16. Episode 7

Izzie looked at him with a pointed eye, watching him solidly through the wall. She was proud of herself for not going over there, shaking him, and attempting to kill him with canned food. Instead, she watched, shaking with the anticipation of him coming over. But for now, he was sifting through the canned food, plucking out the ones he and Callie might need.

"G-"

But she stopped herself from saying it. It jarred in her throat and she spluttered from the effect. Finally, she heard his cart begin to rick-rack down the canned food aisle and make a turn into the hygiene aisle, where Izzie was presently standing. She thumbed through the tampons, pretending like she didn't see them. But when his eye triggered on hers, she beamed.

"George!"

"Iz..."

Izzie walked up to him, gave him a gratifying hug, and asked him lamely why he was there.

"Callie and I need food," he replied stiffly, watching her with the intensity like she was about to kill him.

"I'm not about to _kill_ you, George," she assured.

"I ... it's just …"

"Ok. Let's get this straight, _once and for all._ I _do not_ work with you. I don't see you every day and I don't feel the urge to kiss you."

"But you said -"

"But it doesn't matter. I didn't mean what I said; I couldn't have said what I meant. Ok? So, just ... breath, George. I want to be friends. We're not friends and I'm not okay with that. I'm not okay with you ... thinking I'm a curse or crap or – I just don't need this. I want you to be my friend and you want to be my friend, so let's just frikin' be friends."

After that monologue, Izzie settled herself on the opposite shelf, feeling her hair catch under a pink, shining toothpaste case. She watched George's face with nervousness, anticipating the moment when he'd respond.

"Ok."

That was enough for Izzie. She threw herself into him, accidentally slamming him against the other wall. With him tumbled plastic-y packages of tampons. As they fumbled onto him, Izzie gave a smiling snort.

"Let's go for coffee."

- - - -

"Alex?" snorted Cristina. "You could've picked up any hot surfer dude in that bar, and you picked up _Alex_? I mean, he's not even hot. Of all inappropriate men, Meredith!"

Meredith pursed her lips sufficiently, signaling for Cristina to stop. But Cristina didn't obey.

"So that's why Alex's been stalking you all week? With those freaky stares and whatnot? _Weird_! I think you've got him attached, Mer!"

"Cristina!"

Meredith's shrill voice caught Cristina and she flipped her mouth open to say one more thing, stopped herself, and shrugged.

"Meredith … you're not …"

"No. I'm not … in love. I'm McMeredith's, remember? It was just a lousy way to try to get over my Mc. It didn't work. Ok?"

"Ok! Hey, is it my turn?"

"For what?"

"For whining."

"Yup." Meredith settled back in the chair, plopping her head behind her and listening.

"Well, Burke doesn't talk to me. _I_ don't talk to him and, because of _you_, I don't even look at him. It's really over. I got that. I think I got that. No, I _know_ I got that. And sometimes, I'm in his surgeries and his hand touches a gut and mine joins his on the gut, and I feel something. Like …"

"Love?"

"Like deadness. Like being dead and getting over that phase. Burke and I are over."

Meredith leaned forward, a smile illuminating her face, concentrated through her pain that she was feeling about Alex.

"That's great."

- - - -

Alex lay in bed, feeling like a broken-down wall. His head made endless rounds, doing their daily activities of surveying Meredith's body. He slowly unclothed her in his mind, touched her, felt her, passionately kissed her. He wished he could actually be doing it.

But, crestfallen, he lay here, like a broken-winged bird with not a chance in the world to fly. Instead, he let his thoughts fly, then fall, fly, fall, die. They withered and died before his very thoughts and he couldn't do anything. He didn't love Meredith. No. No … no … but … he didn't care about Ava anymore. He didn't care that she wasn't there. Alex only cared about Meredith now; undressing her like this in his mind every day now.

"Alex?"

The word shattered his pounding brain, and he sat up with a start.

"What? What the _hell_ is so important?"

Izzie looked slightly taken aback from her small position at the doorway.

"It's just … it's just … Meredith's on the phone!"

"Doesn't she _live_ here?"

"I don't know why she's on the phone and not here. I don't know where she is. But she wants to talk to you. Ok?" Izzie's voice was a bit too shrill as she threw the phone into Alex's laugh with a clatter. He gave a bewildered shake of his head to Izzie, and then worriedly pressed the phone against his air. Meredith's airy breathing gave him a shake and he leaned against the pillows, getting ready for the "big blow."

"Hey, Meredith," he said softly.

"Hey, Alex," replied Meredith, her voice hoarse and a finger on her opposite ear obviously blocking out some sort of sound.

"We need to talk."

"Yea, we do, Alex. What … what did you mean by …"

"You helped me forget about Ava? Whatever. It doesn't matter, Meredith. I just … it was special. Ok? But lots of things are special. Crappy things are special. Like … like airplane food. I love airplane food. So it's nothing. From a guy who thinks _airplane food's_ special, I thought it was special. I think you're special. But I think elephants are special. So, it doesn't mean anything." Not caring that he was raving on and on, and probably boring Meredith into twisting hair around her finger on the other end of the line, he continued. "Sorry that I said anything. I'm not relating you to … elephants or airplane food. You're better than that. I'm just saying that-"

"No, I get it. It was special, but you think lots of things are special. So … good. Good that it wasn't really special. Because I can't handle you thinking it was really 'special.' I mean, Derek's gone, and I'm a resident, and I've got lots of patients. So – good."

"Good. But could I ask you a question? Just a quickie."

"Sure."

"Where are you?"

"I'm in the airport."

"_What?" _The incredulousness that thwacked Alex's voice sore left Meredith silent for a moment. Then, regaining her senses, she told him.

"I'm going to see Derek. Bye. My plane's leaving … soon."

Alex, feeling bitter and unwanted from this, was just still. He let the thought of Meredith leaving so unexpectantely roll around in his mind, bouncing across all over thoughts like a cheap one-quarter bouncy ball from any mall.

"Bye."

He couldn't just leave her hanging, so he obliged to telling her a farewell.

"Bye."

It was quick and stern, but Meredith didn't have time to muse over this. Her plane was _really_ leaving, and she wasn't just trying to get out of the awkward conversation with Alex. As her cell-phone bleeped off, she felt hallow. Like something wasn't right. She felt like she'd hurt Alex.

And she felt strange.

She knew that Alex thought that airplane food and elephants were special.

- - -

"Ok, he compared _you_ to _airplane food_ and _elephants_?" cried Cristina, pausing over Izzie, Meredith, and her card game.

"No!" corrected Meredith. "It's just – he was saying that his 'special' wasn't really special at all. He wasn't comparing me to elephants or airplane food." She looked down at the cards, sighed, and took another quick sip of tequila. "Go fish."

Cristina went fish, and Izzie gurgled a sip of tequila.

"Hey, why am I drinking?" she inquired, mostly to herself. "George's my friend again. We set up a date. Every Sunday's coffee."

"Fantastic," said Cristina sarcastically. "Oh, dammit! Go fish!"

"Hey, but that's good," piped Meredith. "It's good that you and George are back. I mean, you wouldn't be Izzie Stevens without twitchy George with you. What's he doing?"

"Uh … he's working at McDonald's."

Cristina couldn't help herself. She snorted, spraying Cheeto all around.

"You're kidding, right?"

"No … but it's just temporary!" stood up Izzie. But Cristina and Meredith were too busy clutching their stomachs and yelping for dear life between laughs. After their attacks subsided and they were playing the card game (surprise, surprise, Cristina winning) Meredith shook her head.

"George's smarter than that."

"I know," sighed Izzie. "He's _so_ much better than that, but he's letting himself go. He's letting himself go. He's not gonna make a good father if he doesn't try."

"George O'Malley and not trying … hmm …"

Cristina shrugged, saying another "Go Fish."

- - - -

"_Don't you know it's me? Don't you know it's me you're looking for and not that bitchy man Alex? And especially not Derek." _

"_I know," said Addison, nodding. She was draped across Mark's arms, looking steamily into his eyes. As the connection brought sweat bulbs to light his forehead and drip, half-caused from the undying sun and half-caused by the heat Addison and his love was creating. _

"_But … can't I have you all?" _

"_You can have all the men in the world if it includes me," breathed Mark. _

"_Good."_

_Their embrace lasted for only a moment longer before they were interrupted by Alex. He barged in, rat-tatting some song that nobody knew. Mark and Addison looked up, and Mark accidentally dropped her to the ground. She hit her head, inflicting pain upon her skull but not major. She could sit up and watch the fight rise, first with Alex's obnoxious off-key tune and then Mark's kick in the shin. As the fight arose steadily, Derek wasn't one to miss out on the fun. He gathered himself from a dream in the middle of the misty wildflower field, and ran over. The punching and kicking sent dust sprawling from the ground, clogging Addison's eyes and blurring her vision sufficiently so she couldn't, sadly, see their fight. But she rested back and contented herself with listening to the shouts of pain and joy she heard. _

"Addison?"

Mark's light tap on Addison's shoulder was enough to wake her. Once she caught sight of Mark, although blurred so much that light seemed like one, light yellow blob, she smiled.

"Hi, Mark. I can hardly see today."

"That sucks. No sex?"

"_No," _giggled Addison. She rolled over and shoved her face in the pillow, not wanting to struggle with her fading vision. She couldn't say that she'd gotten _used_ to the excruciating pain that shadowed her brain's thoughts, but she could honestly say that she had let it come and didn't ward it off anymore. But she was fighting. She was fighting the infectious disease for Mark's sake, for Callie's pregnant sake, and for everybody she knew's sake.

"Dr. Slone? You're going to have to go," reported Dr. Carson from the door. "Addison's going through another surgery."

"Another?" inquired Mark, worry obviously tugging at his lips. "What number is that today?"

"Three. But the first one was just basically a more major prepping, and now we're in for the big blow. This brain tumor's growing, and fast, and if we ever want to get it out, we're going to have to try harder and harder. Addison's medicine cabinet's going to have to get rebuilt into a bigger size if we don't keep trying."

Mark nodded, understanding. He shut the door, the depressing clunk shouting in Addison's ears, and Dr. Carson smiled.

"You're being very understanding."

"I have to be."

As Addison felt her bed part from her room, she solemnly tried to roll over the possibilities of this surgery. But, giving up because she didn't know which surgery it was – she couldn't keep track of all of them! – she went back to her fantasy world.

_The fight had died down, and now Derek's lips replaced it. They were stiff on hers, as if he hadn't kissed for a while. _

"_Why so stiff?" asked Addison. _

"_I'm just so … surprised. I thought you'd chosen Mark." _

"_I chose everybody. Everybody who loves me is great. Everybody who's here is great. So I couldn't choose." _

"_I love you, Addison." _

"_I love you all." _

_- - - _

Derek sighed shakily as he watched Steven's hands whip efficiently over the patient's sickly body. The body was freezing and almost dead, and if they wanted Mr. De to live, they would have to do the surgery now. But they needed his family. And his family lived in Arizona. This particular surgery needed a signature. Derek wasn't sure if Mr. De would live.

Slowly parting from the room, not wanting to feel the emptiness it held, he began to wander through his now-familiar surroundings. The smell, the doctors, the lack of Dr. Burke, Meredith, and all of his other friends and enemies.

Derek wished woefully that he could see a familiar face, a face oblivious to his being dirty, mangled, and bloody from his most recent surgery. He couldn't connect with the patients here. He hardly saw any of them more than once. He found himself longing, more and more now, for … no, not Meredith. Dr. MPD. He missed her lively spirit and her smiling ways. She wasn't beautiful. Not in the least bit could she even pass attractive. But Dr. MPD's ways with the world were … extraordinary.

He hadn't fallen in love, the mushy kind of love filled with make-out sessions on Meredith's couch in front of a blaring TV and promises of "I'll always love you" but friend love, a kind of love that he'd never experienced.

But Dr. MPD lived in Seattle. Or did she? Was she just doing her stunt there? Did she actually live somewhere else? He liked to muse over these questions, late at night or in-between surgeries, when he had time on his hands and Dr. MPD on his mind.

"Dr. Shepard?"

These words broke his thought in a crystal-ball-dropping fashion. Derek turned around on his heel.

"Yes, Steven?"

"Well … we, uh, found a way to get past the signature. There's going to be a surgery."

"Great."

"It's in room 6BD, ok? You have to come in – uh, I think its five minutes."

"I'll just come now."

As the two fell in step, Steven immediately began to talk. He had grown close to Derek, feeling as if Derek was his refuge from his stressful life as an intern and missing his girlfriend.

"Y'know, Lila called me last name. She wants a kid." Steven's eyebrows crunched into his eyes as he gulped and continued. "She said when she's done with her job – y'know, when it's over and stuff, and when she's here in Maryland and we're together, she wants a kid. I didn't know what to say so I just didn't say anything. She got all worried and asked if that meant I definitely didn't want one. I said that I was just amazed – that I'd been dreaming of it. I haven't been. I don't know if I could handle it."

"Tell her."

"What?"

"Tell her that you're not ready. If you have a child that you don't want, it won't turn out well. Just tell her."

"Oh. Well . . . maybe I'll want it more once this year's over and I want change?"

"It doesn't matter. Just tell her that you're not ready, just for now."

"O . . . ok . . ."

- - -


	17. Missing Scene So Sorry!

AN: Hey, guys! Sorry that I left out the scene you're about to read from the last chapter. It's just Meredith's plane getting delayed, but it's _really_ important. Because the next scene, she's playing "Go Fish" with Iz and Cris. So, sorry about that, and the next chapter will be a real one.

Thanks for reading!! AND THANK YOU TO MY REVIEWERS!

-EmEm-

- - - --

Meredith looked at the board expectantly. Eight-thirty for her flight to Maryland was bleeping at her, flashing in her face like a warning signal. Peering at her watch and seeing "8:53" flash back at her, she went to the stand where the supervisors stood.

"Excuse me," she sighed, "but is the flight delayed? It's eight-fifty-three, and the plane was due about twenty-three minutes ago. So – is it delayed or _what_?"

"Well, from what we're hearing from New York is the plane had a few issues. They landed. So … we're about to announce is delay."

"Ugh!" cried Meredith, the frustration apparent on her tight facial features. "When?"

"Um … from what we're hearing, uh, it'll come here by about … 9:00 tonight."

Meredith's jaw went slightly ajar and the man turned away, shouting into the phone there was a delay and could everybody please come back at nine o'clock that night. The plane must've had some serious issues, thought Meredith with a considerable amount of frustration. As she stalked out of the airport, each step becoming more ferocious, all she could wish for was to see Cristina and Izzie and have a conversation with them.


	18. Episode 7 continued

Alex breathed out, frustration etching across the sigh. It was like he was a target for these sorts of things – in just a month or something like that, he'd slept with Izzie and Meredith. Both women had been in this man, seen a side of him that he didn't honestly want them to see – especially Izzie, considering they'd been together, been there, done that. And now he felt something. _Now_, Alex felt something for Meredith. Look where all this agreeing to sex had led him.

Now he felt alone, listening to Meredith un-steam herself to her friends over a game of "Go Fish." Her flight had been delayed, delayed to just two mere hours away from the time Alex was crippling himself with his thoughts on the bed. He couldn't avoid them any longer, he figured, so he might as well face them, head-on.

He didn't love Meredith. He didn't, couldn't, wouldn't. He was Alex Karev, jerk extraordinaire. And Meredith Grey was … the alcoholic slut who just happened to be somehow related to Ellis Grey.

But he knew, deep inside, that she wasn't that and he wasn't that. They'd earned their reputations, sure, but they weren't correct. They were face, and with the nurses' gossip that lifted their reputations, they didn't deserve it. Meredith seemed especially annoyed today, talking with her friends and expressing her anger towards the world. He heard a slight drabble of alcohol over her words, and knew that she shouldn't be getting on a plane. Resolving not to explain this to her, he ducked into another avoided area of thought.

Ava. Where was she? What was she doing? He hadn't fallen in love with her, Meredith had proved that. But Meredith had been as special as "airplane food" and "elephants." What a lame speech.

But Alex missed his friend. In fact, she missed her so deeply that he oftentimes considered flipping through a phonebook and calling her, calling "Rebecca." But she'd always been Ava to him.

He imagined her lips on his, her husband's. Their connection between the lips, the heat that rose from it. Alex didn't know what he felt about that. He wasn't even sure if he cared.

Finally, Alex was done. He was done with his exploration. He was done and satisfied.

- - -

Meredith felt the bumps of the plane, the silky gliding that picture-perfected the flight, and saw the marshmallow-clouds, drabbled with swooping airplanes and extraordinarily high birds. Meredith smiled, leaning back and crunching more honey-coated peanuts between her teeth. Alex liked airplane food.

"Excuse me, ma'am? Would you like the airplane's offer of dinner?"

Meredith nodded, ignoring the feeling that it was a bit too late for dinner.

"What's there to offer?"

"Here's the menu." The airplane attending woman handed Meredith a thin, plastic-enveloped menu.

Meredith chose cautiously, choosing only what she felt wouldn't make her sick. Then, when she had received the meal, she decided to think. Leaving her peanuts pancaked on the thin arm of her chair, she began to think.

She was going to see Derek. She was going to see Derek in all his "glory" at _his_ hospital. She felt like the surprise would be a pleasant one, but you couldn't be sure.

- - -

Izzie picked her way through the racks of clothing. In Target, you could find almost anything if you tried hard enough. Izzie needed a couple of new shirts, and here she was, looking for them. As she rounded a corner, she caught sight of a little girl.

Maybe a not _so_ little girl, considering the girl's face was that of mortification as her mother shoved a purple trainer-bra in her face and asked, "D'you think you're bigger than this?" Even more horrifyingly, the boys' section was positioned exactly next to the girls' bras. A cute boy that was searching for a swimsuit was watching her with intense interest. Izzie watched, feeing the girl's pain. She remembered the disgust at her mother's overly-loud voice, announcing to the world Izzie had her first bra.

Izzie came over.

"That's cute," she said.

The girl looked up, dumbstruck and her face shadowy. The boy's attention averted to beautiful Izzie.

"Hey! You! Perv! Stop looking over here!" called Izzie, waving at the boy. The boy's mother, noticing what his son was so _rudely_ doing, attached her fingers tightly around his ear and tugged, beginning to scold.

"Um, excuse me, ma'am?" continued Izzie to the mother. "Your voice should be kept down when a girl's getting her first bra." The mother's face flushed crimson.

The girl's eyes were filled with admiration and tears. Flustered and overjoyed, the girl gathered the bras.

"Hey, here you go," said Izzie, shoving the bras under the other clothes the girl was getting. Izzie winked. "It's a trick I learned." The girl nodded numbly.

"I'm Cristy."

"I'm Izzie."

They shook hands.

"Well … thanks …"

"You're welcome. I just remembered how horrible buying my first bra was. Sorry about that guy. They're … -"

"Idiots? Morons? Jerks?"

"All of the above."

"See you."

Izzie waved the girl away, feeling settlingly satisfied.

- - -

Derek sat over dinner with Dr. MPD, her Haley side showing uproariously. Throughout the flirts and small talk – then moving onto _large_ talk – he'd felt a connection. Now it was strong and illuminated by the romantic candlelight the waiter had been insistent on lighting.

"So, _he_ left _you_? Why?" Derek was asking, looking intently into Dr. MPD's gracious eyes.

"Well, I'm a girl with a problem," explained Dr. MPD. "Nobody wants to be with me. _Nobody_ wants to deal with a girl with Multiple Personality Disorder ever day of their lives, you know? He wasn't ready to deal with that. Jakob had other things he had to worry about, with his mother getting breast cancer and … well, it was messy. I was just complicating things." Dr. MPD leaned on her hand. "So he left." Her down-heartedness left Derek feeling like he couldn't comfort her.

"I'm sorry." Was that all he could say?

Slowly, as dinner subsided and meal plates were left, almost empty, and the waiter bid them farewell, the two began to walk through the streets of downtown Bethesda.

"When're you going to the beach?"

"Jackie said I could stay for about … two or three more days."

"That's great."

"Yea, I know! I get to stay with the handsomest guy in all of Maryland _and_ Seattle."

Derek smiled. He slowly flipped on the light to his new apartment, shedding light onto the drabness of it. The plain, simple, small kitchen, the random knickknacks that attempted to lighten up the gloominess. It didn't help it one bit, it just made it seem slightly disorganized.

"Here's the porch. It's the only place I really like," said Derek, leading her out a glassed-in door, onto a moonlit porch. It was a dinky porch really, but the mixture of moonlight and lit buildings made it illuminate and show off its good points – the flowers that were there, the curvy elegant ness of the green chairs … it made Dr. MPD trancelike.

"Beautiful!" she exclaimed, sitting herself down in a chair. Suddenly, with a short wobble, her face changed.

"Where're my glasses?" she inquired.

"What?"

"My glasses!"

"Oh."

It was Kelsey. Derek slowly removed the glasses from Dr. MPD's purse, and gave them to her. Kelsey began to make small talk about her dream to be an intern that grew every day. Derek just nodded and responded quickly, making room for more of _her_ talk. He had to become reacquainted with Kelsey Dr. MPD.

Suddenly, as the two admired the fluffy roses in the middle of the table with their hands, slowly winding their way around the flower's petals, their hands met. They didn't let go, they let them rest there, feeling what it felt like to be touching like this. Their fingers winded their way around each other's, feeling and touching and seeing.

Then, the two stood up, hands still brought together by some force of nature. The two leaned on the balcony, leaving their hands be on the banister inbetween them and the outside world.

Slowly – very slowly, so not to startle Dr. MPD – he lifted his lips close to hers. They hovered for a moment, and then landed. Lulling and soft, they stayed, and the two felt something. But not "something."

The two felt nothing.

They broke apart. Derek turned to the door, feeling the strange precense of someone. Was his maid there already?

Shocked and agitated, he saw her. Meredith was standing at the door, eyes burning with intense hatred.

- - - -


	19. Episode 8

"How could you _do_ this to me?" she screeched, her face a wild tangle of fury, hatred, and some major case of annoyance. "_Why _would you do this to me?"

Derek, still in a bubble of shock, was unable to respond. "You're … here?" he asked, dumbstruck.

"Yeah, I'm here!" she cried. She began to rush towards Dr. MPD.

"So _this_ is why you 'transferred'?"

"No, Meredith, it's not like that!"

"Fine, then _what's_ it like?"

- - -

"Hey, Izzie!" Alex fell in step with Izzie's quickened ones. "Where y' going?"

"I'm going to Joe's. I'm meeting George there."

Alex tried to keep his face stiff. It was times like these he realized he _didn't_ have any friends. "Oh!" he said, his voice strangling atop crestfallenness and fake cheeriness. "Well, I was going to invite you to a movie. Friend to friend?"

"Alex, George and I are just getting back our … relationship. Maybe some other time, ok?" Izzie's steps became more rapid-beated, her shoes squeaking from the rain that was currently splattering.

"Hey, that's cool!" called Alex, although she was already halfway to the street. "I'll see you some other time then!"

Then, disgruntled from his abrupt pang of loneliness, he began to drag his feet. What he'd had with Meredith was a one-night, drunken stand. It was nothing. He'd felt something, sure, but that didn't count for anything anymore. She was in Maryland, visiting McDreamy. They were probably making out on his wonderful couch right now. His wonderful couch he'd probably bought with lots of money. He couldn't – rather, _wouldn't_ – think of Meredith as anything but a friend.

Alex went over his choices of women and friends.

Izzie – no. That was over. Meredith – no, just _no._ Cristina – not even going to go there. Callie – she was hot and everything, but she was Chief and married. Addison – she was with Mark and was under the current state of a brain tumor weighing down her brain.

He didn't want to consider _women_ anymore. Instead, he moved on to guy-friends.

George – oh right, he was gone. McSteamy – uh, yeah right. McDreamy – not a chance in the world. Burke – ha ha, you're kidding, right?

Then, he decided not to consider the choices. He didn't care enough, really. It just made him more self-conscious that he had nobody.

- - -

"_Hey babe." Derek sat down next to her, pushing his hands into hers. They lay there, entwined romantically, their feet dangling over the bushels of wildflowers. _

"_Hey, baby," responded Addison, planting a firm kiss on his lips. He licked his lips and dove in for more, but they were interrupted by a choking sound spluttering from Addison. _

"_It's happening again!" cried Derek, his hand waving everybody over. Mark and Alex were currently picking flowers from somewhere in the meadow. They came over, their faces yet again strung with horrification, as they had to watch seizure-struck Addison. Well, they called it a seizure, but none of them knew what it was. She choked and threw up and grabbed her head and shook uncontrollably. As her sobs touched their ears, all of them took tears leaning down and trying to calm her sickly senses. _

"_It's okay, babe, it's gonna be okay!" cried Mark. He threw flowers on top of her body, as if the scent of them might calm her. It didn't. She only pushed them off in disgust. She didn't want such a beautiful thing in her time of illness. _

"_Hottest chick in the room … that's what you are, ever. You're the hottest. You're __**my**__ hottest babe. Come back, hon!" Alex's words strung together, mingled and incoherent, but they struck Addison as sweet. She immediately stopped curling up into a little ball, and took a deep, panted breath. Exhaustion had overtook her, but before she fell asleep in this whirlwind of windflowers, she sat up and gave Alex a strongly-built, passionate kiss. Then, she hit her head coming back down on the flowers. _

"_To the bench she goes," said Mark, lifting her up and placing her delicately on the bench. _

Addison woke up, but she wasn't too pleased about it. She wanted to be asleep, all three boys fighting over her, instead of having just one boy, sleeping next to her with a bare chest. She hadn't … She struggled with her memory. She found it impossible to regain the memory.

"Did we have sex?" she whispered into Mark's chest, wondering why in the world she _didn't_ know.

"I'd think you'd remember," said Mark. "Yea, we did. Like, an hour ago. Why _don't_ you remember?" Mark sat up, alert plastering his face into a scrunch.

"Oh, I'm just groggy," assured Addison, although she wasn't nearly as confident as she sounded. Why didn't she remember? Suddenly, the door whammed open and there stood Callie, her body loose and unfurled with some emotion, her scrubs too tight from her overgrown belly, and tears openly wallowing down her face.

"Holy _crap_, Mark, what did I say?"

"No sex," sighed Mark.

"That's _exactly_ what I said! Ok, I'm going to leave this room, and when I come back, you're going to be fully clothed and you're going to be out of here!"

"You sound like Bailey," mumbled Mark as Callie slammed the door behind her. He stood up, reattaching the clothes to his body, and then slipped out.

"Love you," he muttered.

Addison smiled at those words, but then remembered Callie. Her smile dissolved into a frown as Callie barged in.

"What is it?" asked Addison. Callie shoved herself deep into the mattress, lying next to Addison in a very comfortable fashion. Callie then draped her arm over Addison's thin frame – thinner since the tumor – and sighed.

"George. He's still seeing Izzie Stevens. She _came home_ with him last night. They were laughing and snorting and … drunk. They were frikin' drunk! Heh. I didn't know _what_ they were planning, but me just standing there gave Izzie the message. She left. But still! It's the … thought! She was there, and it's clear that _I do not want her there!_ I _hate_ Izzie Stevens!"

Addison breathed out, then turned around, her forehead pressed deeply against Callie's.

"They're friends, Cal. They're allowed to be friends, remember? Maybe it _wasn't_ quite … right of him to come in with Izzie, but they're friends. He just wanted to have a friend over. And, I don't know if I should tell a pregnant woman this, but having a pregnant wife isn't easy. I don't know from experience, but I can only imagine. He just wanted a break from the stress to talk about his up-and-coming baby that's growing in you. He was drunk because he went to Joe's. He wasn't bringing her home for _any other_ reason."

This seemed to comfort Callie considerably, seeing as she sunk deeper into the mattress and her huffed face died down.

- - -

Meredith's face was a mess. Tears sunk deep into her complexion, shadows amidst all the confusion and anger that lay there.

"Meredith," said Derek softly, his hand slowly picking up speed as it made its way towards her arm.

"Don't touch me!" yelped Meredith, scooting her chair with a loud screech. Derek and Dr. MPD simultaneously cringed at the sound. "Now tell me," she said, "why you did this to me. First you say you're my knight in shining whatever, then you're … then you're promising me that you're my McMeredith, and you're saying you love me – then? THEN? You go to Maryland and start … _doing something_ with this girl here." Meredith couldn't help but think a buried thought – Dr. MPD wasn't attractive. At all. She, Meredith, was attractive.

"It wasn't like that," began Derek. "It wasn't … you weren't … it was testing."

"We felt nothing!" added Dr. MPD. Suddenly, after a slight shift in her facial features, Dr. MPD threw off her glasses, placed her shawl over the tip of a chair, and let her hair loose. Haley was back. Derek felt a groaning sensation beginning.

"Nothing? Oh. That makes _everything_ better!" cried Meredith sarcastically.

"Meredith, stop. Be quiet for just a second! This is my old patient, Dr. MPD." Dr. MPD bowed. "I work at a hospital now. She came because she hurt herself – by accident. It was just a … thing."

"A thing? Oh, a thing that I just _happened_ to walk in on?" Meredith's tears formed a liquid puddle beneath her, running through the cracks of Derek's porch. "McMeredith," she huffed, grabbing her things into her hands. "Why the _hell_ did I believe such _crap?_ Have fun with 'Dr. MPD!'"

Then, Meredith was out. Out of Derek's life forever.

- - -

Izzie's hand slowly rubbed against Love's head.

"Oh, Love," she breathed, "I'm sorry we haven't done this in a while. Hey, George and I are seeing each other again!" Love gave a groan. "Not _that_ kind, silly goose! We're just friends. I'm good with friends. I'm better with friends, actually." Izzie smiled giddily. "Will you be my husband?" Love gave another groan. Izzie lay her head on his back, shifting with every one of his steady breaths. "Good. Let's get married. You may now kiss the groom." Izzie kissed Love's wet lips. "Yay. We're married now." She then giggled, letting her hand flow with the dog's back. "Yay, baby," she breathed.

"What's this about a marriage?" asked Alex from the doorway. He smiled half-heartedly, still struggling with the fact he didn't have any friends.

"Love and I are married!"

"Man-n," sighed Alex. "How many drinks have you _had_?"

"Just a beer. I'm just … reconnecting with my baby. Now we're married." Izzie gave kisses all along Love's backside.

"Great. You're insane." Alex lifted his lips. "Want to see a movie soon? There's some really good murder mystery thing. Like … the whole blow-up-unbelieveable shebang."

"Sounds like fun. Seven tomorrow?"

"It depends. Are you bringing your husband?"

"Nah, we'll have fun."

- - -

_AN: Yea, I know, this chapter's pretty bad. It's just I've been busy with lots of stuff. I don't think I stuck to charecter very well - tell me your opinion? Please review! With this lack of review, I'm saddddddddd! Brighten Emily's day! REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!!!!!!_

_-EmeEm- _


	20. Episode 9

Alex and Izzie were walking into Seattle Grace, still laughing about the movie the night before.

"'Kill me'!" quoted Izzie, imitating the horrible acting that had been displayed across the screen.

"'No'!" cried Alex, also quoting, "Killing is _rude_!"

Izzie and Alex split into peeling laughter.

"I still can't believe they actually made those _lines_," snorted Alex. "They're, like, crap."

"More than crap," disagreed Izzie, "they're … crap on crap!"

"Crap on crap on crap on _crap_!"

Izzie and Alex let laughter shoot out of their mouths like rockets, booming around and distracting going-to-work passer-bys.

"We're rousing people," warned Izzie.

"Shit, let's go," Alex nodded, racing ahead. "Race you!" The two immature residents raced into the building. Soon, they were followed by Mark Slone, accompanied with an intern by the name of Delilah Marhoo. No, he wasn't flirting. Big surprise there! He was explaining to Delilah why plastics was a good choice of surgery. People _paid_ for their pain.

"Thank you so much," smiled Delilah before disappearing into the rough crowds. The beginning of the day was never easy. Especially for Meredith Grey – who just happened to not be there. Meredith Grey, who just happened to be sobbing at home, trying to get through another one of Izzie's muffins. Cristina, for one of the very few times, was coming into the hospital alone. No whining Meredith to accompany her today.

"Why're you alone, Cristina? Where's Meredith?" asked Izzie.

"I don't know. Home, I guess," said Cristina, although she knew the exact answer. Izzie leaned on her hip skeptically.

"I'm serious," sighed Izzie. "_Where_ is Meredith?"

"In her room."

"Why?" squeaked Izzie. "Is she ok?"

"If you call finding your boyfriend smooching with one of his old patients 'ok.'"

"Oh god. Meredith must be broken."

"Uh, yeah. Now, could you move out of my way? I've got some surgery-hopping to do."

Izzie moved aside, but thought was written across her features.

- - -

"Where's Addison?" cried Mark, finding the empty room. Dr. Carson looked at him, sadness boiling in his eyes, deadness sent across his body parts. "Is she …"

"No. She's not dead. Dr. Montgomery is … let's just say, not getting better." Dr. Carson paused. "I'm sorry. She's … it's …"

"Just _fucking_ say it!"

"Not much of a chance. She's got a heavy brain tumor; nothing we do can help her. I can't…I'm sorry."

"No! No!" Mark was in a frenzy of his own world, expectations lying flat in his brain, ruffling him. He began to twitch and bang against things, knocking random medicines off shelves. "You help her!" he demanded. "_You help my girlfriend or I'll beat the living shit out of you. _Make sure she … make sure Dr. Montgomery comes out alive." Mark paused. "And make sure … that she knows I love her. That I mean it this time. That ... I hope she's better. Oh dear _god_, do I hope she gets better."

Dr. Carson nodded. "I'll tell her."

- - -

Meredith's head was hidden under the pillow, Love cuddled against her side. She couldn't believe it. It was an out-of-body experience. Her and Derek were officially _over._ This was the last straw. She couldn't seem to face it, though. She couldn't face the fact that her McMeredith was a … McMaryland or whatever. Why did she care so much? Dr. MPD … Dr. MPD …

- - -

Alex looked at her in a sideways attack. She was beautiful. Sideways bangs, red layered hair, an I-don't-care-ish look to her. It looked like, in high school, she'd been the rebel – the skater girl … that girl. With a nose ring and two earrings in one ear and one in the other, Alex already liked her. Her beauty was poised, and she was poised.

"You haven't been here, have you?" he asked.

"Nope," she said. "And if you're trying to pick me up, you'd better try hard. I'm hard to get."

"Oh." Alex smiled. "Beer for the lady over here!"

"I'm not much for beer," she told him. "I'm more a tequila girl."

"So is Meredith," muttered Alex.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"O…k…"

"Excuse me, Joe, make that a _tequila_ for the lady over here."

The girl smiled and gave a whole-hearted laugh.

"Where do you work?" she asked.

"Seattle Grace."

For a moment, she paused, shockingly still. He looked over her, suddenly alarmed.

"I work there too," she explained after the silence. Alex nodded.

"That doesn't stop _anybody_ at Seattle Grace."

"Really?"

"It's … well, wouldn't you know?"

"I'm Preston Burke's intern. Not Miranda Bailey. Although I've _heard_ of their … sleeping in each other's beds. Interesting." She leaned on an arm. "Oh, wait, we haven't really introduced ourselves." She didn't bother to poke out a hand, just continued. "I'm Laura. Laura Thompson. And you are?"

"Alex. Alex Karev." Seeing as he was getting somewhere, and growing to like her more every second, he got into it. "I'm good at picking up girls."

"Are you? I've met better. They got me into their pants within the first fifteen minutes."

"Oh really."

"Yes, _really._"

"Well, I think I'll do well. I'm good at this … thing. But I'm no McDreamy or McSteamy. I'm not going to be egotistical and arrogant to get you. Ok? So … instead, I'll buy you drinks and show off my wicked dance moves."

"McDreamy? McSteamy? And _wicked_ dance moves? We'll see about that. I'm a pretty good break-dancer myself."

"I do ballet," joked Alex, smilingly.

She smiled back, seeing it was a joke. Taking the last few sips of her first tequila, she moved on to the one Alex had ordered for her.

"So, McDreamy? Who? McSteamy?"

"Two guys. I wonder why you haven't heard of them."

"Wait. McSteamy's the guy who's hot, right? He's the plastic surgeon?"

"Yeah."

"Who's McDreamy?"

"Oh. He's been taken lately, he's been 'McMeredith.' I donno if you'd know him."

"Too bad. Sounds like a … fun guy." She waggled her eyebrows. Alex, feeling deliciously satisfied about where this was going, began to ask her on medical things. They'd get very far in this conversation.

"What do you want to get into? Heart surgery? Blah? Blah?"

"I'm into neurosurgery. It just … seems cool, y'know?" Suddenly, as a song began to pump out of the lightly-playing stereo, she leapt up. "Omigod! My Chemical Romance!" she squealed. Getting to her feet, she began to dance. First, it was just a quick sway of the hips to charm all the men in the building. Her curves moved fast and patterened.

"Joe, turn it up," nodded Alex. Joe obliged, turning all heads to Laura's way. They watched her as she began to mouth the words and tear up herself, breaking down and moving every which way. Alex, feeling happy beyond words, got onto the stage and attempted at making those pearly whites shine accompanied with a laugh from Laura. He danced the hustle. This got Laura laughing, all right. She began to crack up, falling onto the ground with a loud thump, and watch him. It wasn't quite the _song_ for the hustle, but Alex had learned it years ago in college, and decided to show her. After three songs that didn't quite match the necessary songs for the hustle, the two sat down and began to nurse beers and peel peanuts by the dozen.

"_That_ was weird," Laura giggled, popping a peanut between her teeth.

"It was fun," nodded Alex. "And very …"

"Random?"

"Yea, that."

Joe, seeing how this was going, departed and ran over to another customer. He didn't want to watch Alex get into yet _another_ girl's pants.

"Ok, Laura, I promise I won't kill you. But, do you want to blow this Popsicle stand? It's boring and we've got—"

"Better things to do?" she guessed.

"Not like that," he said. "But it's boring here. I don't want to get drunk."

"It's like you already are."

"Nah, I'm just hyper."

"Fine. Let's blow this joint."

And, hand-in-hand, the two did. They blew the joint, and blew themselves away. It couldn't be called love. Not yet. But this was something different. Not just the getting-over with Meredith, not just the what-the-hell-was-that with Izzie, but something. And it wasn't drunken. Alex Karev had _never_ experienced something such as this.

- - -

Cristina was tired of Meredith's ramblings. Meredith was tired of her ramblings. The two leaned against each other, exhausted, on the couch. Meredith's arms were splayed across Cristina's shoulders, and Cristina's head was plopped on Meredith's right shoulder. Meredith's legs were slung over the couch arm, and the two appeared to be very comfortable. Izzie slowly joined them, for once not trailing muffins. Well, instead, she was trailing Love.

"Ah, dog. Living creature. With smelly breath. Get it out," demanded Cristina.

"No!" responded Izzie flatly, gathering herself onto the couch and letting Love jump into her lap. "Love's one of us. He's my husband."

"Oh good, we've got an insane person. Isn't this _wonderful_, Meredith?"

"Shut up," sighed Izzie.

"Shut up the _both_ of you! Cristina, live with it. Izzie, where's the muffins?"

"You need _more_? You ate, like, two batches today! Don't you want cookies or something? Something that's … I don't know … not muffins?"

"No."

"I'll have cookies," volunteered Cristina.

"How's about this: no baking."

"Man, Izzie, you're in a good mood. Crap," Cristina sighed.

- - -

AN: Writers Block kills. I'm sorry, guys, it might be a bit out of charecter and the writing may be crappy. Please REVIEW. I'm not going to get back my strength unless you review, and I'm not going to _**UPDATE UNTIL YOU REVIEW. AT LEAST 5 REVIEWS OR I'M NOT GOING TO CONTINUE. Ok? And I mean it this time!!! **_


	21. Episode 10

Meredith's face twisted around a gritted-toothed smile. She couldn't take it. The pain that was inflicted on her veins, the unnatural emotion that had allowed itself to roam about in her brain … she _couldn't_ take it. Slowly, she slunk off her jacket. It fell with a thin thump to the ground, but the thump rounded many men's eyes her way. Meredith smirked. It wasn't satisfaction … it wasn't _happiness_ … why was she smiling? Well, it didn't matter. Meredith twisted her arms together and called, "Joe!" Try as she might, the tube top wouldn't go any further down without showing something she didn't want all of them to see – just one.

"One shot of tequila. Please," she nodded in Joe's direction. Seeing the sexy lilac tube top and Meredith's determined expression, he sighed. But he had to give the tequila to her. After she had paid him and drowned the tequila, ordering her second, a man came over. The man's smile was devilishly handsome. His hair was a mahagony as it rested in perfect curls that sprung from his bronze head. The man's head revealed manliness. Meredith rested back. She'd found the one.

"I'll buy you your third," he volunteered, pretending to be innocent. Seeing the seat beside Meredith was filled by a policeman that seemed to be checking Meredith out, he slid a seat from a table close by near to Meredith.

"Thank you," smiled Meredith. She flipped her light brown hair over her petite shoulder and gave another smile. She couldn't feel the smile. It lay flat on her face, and not a twinkle met her eye. She drained the next, and the next one he offered.

"Your name?" asked Meredith.

"Um … I don't think … it doesn't … matter …"

"Oh, c'mon!"

"Gaylord," mumbled the man.

"Gaylord?" screeched Meredith.

"Shh! Shh!"

"Ok … I can't call you that. Or 'Gay.' That's just not—"

"Right? Yeah. Call me Greg, ok? Oh, why the hell did I tell you my real name?" Drowning in self-consciousness, Meredith watched on with an air of amusement.

"Meredith."

- - -

"Somebody had a litte 'visitor' last night," sang Izzie, looking accusingly about the room. "Ok, _two_ people. My _god_! Couldn't you go to _their_ apartments?"

Meredith smiled, but a hangover traced across it. Her eyes drooping and scathed throat were enough to hand Izzie the message.

"Ok, but _Alex_?" She looked at him, blinking. "You get over people … real fast." Hurt obviously lay concealed in her eyes as she watched. Alex slowly became concerned in her hurt. Why? Why could she be hurt? His feet tapped against the counter with a steady thump.

"It was Laura," he sighed. "An intern."

"Oh, _god_! Meredith? Was yours from the hospital? Does Seattle Grace _have_ to sleep with each other?"

"No. Mine was from … hmm. I don't know. I don't know what he did. His name was Gaylord." Izzie snorted. Meredith echoed the snort. "But I called him Greg."

"Sounds special. I could've called it Sex Night in the Resident House!"

- - - -

George's hand slowly traced across Callie's getting-full stomach. A smile enclosed his face to all other emotions he might be feeling – worry … uncertainty … but all of that was blocked off. Instead, he let his eyes twinkle with the happiness.

"We did it," said Callie, nodding. "We got through the Izzie-thing. We got through the … things. We got through things, George, and now we're here." She pressed his body closer to her, as if the warmth was necessary – as if she was afraid of loosing him.

"Now we're going to have a baby." Callie's sigh was the live existence of happiness. "I love you, George." His head fell on her shoulder.

"Callie, I … I love you. We'll – you'll – it's love forever. Because we made it that way. _We_ are married. _We_ … are in love."

"That's such a good feeling," confirmed Callie.

"Three months pregnant," said George. No gloominess met his voice; no hint of his thinking his life would be down the drain once Callie's body opened up and released a living, breathing child that had his own blood into the world.

- - - -

Tears were awash Seattle Grace that morning. Cristina's, peering at the note … Preston Burke had left Seattle Grace. Addison's against Mark's shoulder, crying out her pleas to God she would live. For the love of her life's sake, she pleaded. Meredith's, of regret. Always … that's how she would cope. Have sex with inappropriate men, tell them to leave, and then get in a shower. Maybe a few sandwiches along the way. Izzie's tears. Her hands grasped tightly around a picture of her and Denny at the hospital – taken by George.

Maybe life wasn't ok now. Maybe life would never be ok. But maybe it would be.

Not for now.

- - -

_AN: I'm sorry that this chapter's SO short. It's crazy short, I know. But I felt like I had to end it there, and the next chapter will be long. I know I said 5 reviews, but I was afraid people would forget about my story before we go there. It does hurt my feelings and I'm still struggling from writer's block and I'm upset about the whole nobody likes my FanFiction anymore … but ok. I'll update. Please review? Why did you all stop reviewing? _


	22. Episode 10 continued

"He's gone." The grimace that was unnaturally plastered over her lips stay firmly put, as if it would never move. "Burke is gone, and I'm ok. Ok, Meredith?"

"No," sighed Meredith, placing her hand protectively over Cristina's wrist, "you're not. _We're_ not ok. So … so …"

"No alcohol, Meredith."

"Oh."

Izzie entered the room. Noticing the solemnity, she almost turned out, but not quite. Instead, she whistled through her teeth, bringing a small, fluffy creature into the room. It leapt onto Meredith and Cristina's laps, sprawled across both in a comfortable fashion.

"We're not ok," announced Izzie. "Well, I'm ok, but I'll pretend I'm not. Ok?"

"Ok."

"Ok!"

Meredith and Cristina gave her glares, and Izzie backed down slightly.

"Therapy time," announced Meredith.

"I'll get the tequila," nodded Cristina.

Soon enough, all three of them were in different chairs, facing each other. "Therapy time," repeated Meredith.

"Control yourself, Meredith!" cried Izzie, seeing Meredith's hand inch over to the tequila.

"I _can't_," explained Meredith, then plunging into the depth of the tequila bottle.

"Get a glass," moaned Cristina.

"Ok, everybody get tequila, _then_ therapy."

"Hey, is this a girl thing or …" asked Alex from the door.

"Nope!" chirruped Izzie. "Right here, Alex." She patted the seat next to her.

"Ok, if this gets really girly, I'm out," announced Alex, plopping down. "Hey, tequila!" He took a glass.

"_He's _here?" asked Cristina, disgust ringing in her voice.

"Yes," responded Alex. "Have a problem with that?"

"Evil Spawn," whispered Cristina under her breath.

"Ok, who goes first?" asked Izzie, trying to enlighten this gloomy situation. "Hey, do we need muffins?"

"_No!" _they all cried in unison.

"Ok," sighed Izzie. "Meredith, you go first. You're usually first on these types of things."

"Well, it's all been _said,_" complained Meredith. "I found my boyfriend – my McMeredith – my McDreamy – my McAss – with another woman. His old _patient._ Doesn't that strike you as a little bit creepy? But yea, they were having a make out session on his beautiful new _Maryland_ porch. I had to look at her. I had to _shake_ her _frikin'_ hand. I don't see why I'd do that. So I'm done. No more guys for me."

"Any comments?" smiled Izzie, after seeing Meredith's rant was over.

"Oh, oh, ME!" volunteered Alex. "Ok, Meredith – McDreamy equals McAss. And yea, any guy that'll make out with a chick is demented. 'K?"

"Thanks, Alex …" said Meredith. "Strangely enough, that made me feel better." Meredith smiled.

"Oh, gross. Stop smiling at him," groaned Cristina, looking away.

"Cristina, your turn!" Izzie said.

"Ok … uh … ok, I'm not good at this. How about _you_, Izzie?"

"No way. I don't have a problem."

"Iz." Cristina gave her a narrow-eyed look.

"I have a small, hardly noticeable problem, that I _really_ should be over."

"Denny," replied Alex.

"I don't want to be like this forever … single and moping and sleeping with … 'inappropriate men.' I want a boyfriend. I don't want to be that freaky muffin-baking loner who works in pediatrics."

"You won't be," encouraged Alex. "You might be a freaky muffin-baking lady, but you'll never be a loner."

"Yea, whatever _Evil Spawn_ said," agreed Cristina absentmindedly. "I don't like this whole 'therapy' thing. Cristina poured her glass to overflowing with tequila and promptly stood up. "I don't feel like this whole 'therapy' thing."

"Yea, I don't like it either," agreed Meredith, overflowing her glass then following Cristina out the door.

"Just us left," sighed Alex.

"Oh."

"…"

"Want a muffin?"

- - -

Laura's hands were comfortably positioned on top of Alex's, as if they'd been doing it their whole life.

"So, what are we doing here?" she asked finally, breaking the warm silence.

"What do you mean?" asked Alex, feeling mildly stupid.

"I mean … are we boyfriend and girlfriend? Are we best friends? Are we friends? Like, what is this?"

"We're … I'm …" There it was. The Decision. Alex cleared his throat several times, considering all of the choices. "I guess we're …"

"Friends with benefits?" She grinned.

"Girlfriend," choked Alex.

"What?"

"I … you're …"

"Oh." She smiled. "Good." And with that, her lips were on his. He'd never felt this before. This surge of defiance … this unnamed love that had just washed over him like a wave over a stretch of white sand …

- - - -

"_Make her stop! Make her stop!" screeched Alex. "I can't take it anymore!" _

"_We can't help her," breathed Derek, depression ringing across his tone. _

"_She's going to die," whispered Mark, his hands shaking over her cheeks. "She's going to die and we can't do anything about it." _

_Addison's shaking self, writhing and hurling on the ground, was going to die. It was clear. But nobody wished to admit such a dastardly thing. _

"_I choose you," whispered Addison, swiping her hands weakly across Mark's cheeks. "I choose you." _

She faintly felt her own hands swiping across Mark's cheeks. She faintly felt herself moving, at least. She hoped it was across Mark's cheeks.

"Mark, Mark," she tried to say, but nothing was available to come out.

- - -

"A coma?" screeched Mark, tears tearing down his cheeks. "NO! NO! What've you done? You have to have done something wrong! She's not that sick! It's just … no!" More tears pelleted. Meredith, Cristina, Izzie, Alex, Callie, and some other doctors stood at the doorway, swaying with unhappiness and pretending not to watch Mark.

"Amateur!" screamed Mark. "Amateurs! Why couldn't you save her?"

He ran out of the room, and was faintly aware of his feet hitting the floor in a rhythmic pattern, lulling himself into silent crying. Out the door he went, into his car, out of the hospital … away … away …

- - -

Derek's hand lay on his forehead, splayed across its flush landscape.

"I'm so sorry, Derek," sighed Dr. MPD from the doorway. "Please open up!"

"I can't," replied Derek for the fifth time. "I can't _look_ at you."

"It's Kelsey! I need to tell you something!"

"Dr. MPD…" he sighed. But the urgent tone of her voice forced him to lower his slippered feet to the cold floor. The impact of his feet making contact with the ground made him wobble – he hadn't moved for days. "What, Dr?" he sighed, creaking open the door.

"I felt nothing," she began. "Ok? We didn't feel anything. It just a test. So stop pretending like you don't want to see me again. You're my best friend. I've never had anybody who can tolerate me. You can tolerate me. Please don't leave. I can't handle just having my family anymore."

"Why aren't you at the beach?"

"Because of my news." Dr. MPD sat on the couch. She inspected the imprint, looked up, and sighed. "You've been on this couch for so long. I'm glad I got you up."

"Just tell me the news."

"Well, I finally found a way to be an intern!" chirruped Dr. MPD. Derek felt an overpowering shock.

"How?" he cried, almost forgetting his depression towards Meredith.

"The Children's Hospital down the road! They ok-ed it!" she smiled. She fell onto the couch, molding into Derek's mark.

"This is great!" exclaimed Derek, grasping her tightly. "I'm sorry."

"It's ok. Just …" Her face wobbled. "Well, aren't you looking handsome?"

- - -

"Oh, god," sighed Izzie, noticing the crowds of people. "What's going on?" she asked to a passing Bailey.

"A boat crashed into the other boat and they were found near the dock," explained Bailey, annoyance apparent. "Everybody find a patient, find out their needs, and _get_ into surgery. NOW!" All of Meredith, Cristina, Izzie, and Alex ran to carts.

"Laura!" screamed Alex, astoundingly getting Laura's attention even above the extremely loud racket.

"Alex!" smiled Laura. "Can I scrub in on a surgery? Your surgery?"

"Sure … hold on …" He chose a patient who seemed in need of his power in the hands. He found a bloody, ragged patient, whose clothes were torn and body revealed some nasty looking scars. The man was obviously unconscious.

"Oh, gross," muttered Laura, noticing some parts of the man she most _surely_ did not want to see.

"Grow up, Laura, and help me get this man into surgery," commanded Alex gruffly.

Meanwhile, Izzie was wheeling a small child in a cart, crying her little heart out.

"Shh, shh," commanded Izzie, stroking the little girl's cheek with her long, thin fingers. "Shh, shh."

"No-no! Papa! Papa!" cried the girl.

"Papa's not here right now …" said Izzie through gritted teeth, frantically searching out for a surgery room. Smiling, she found the intern Diane clinging onto her side, demanding to scrub in.

"Yes, yes!" agreed Izzie. Together, they swiveled into the room. Izzie surveyed the small girl's body. The small girl was smaller than Izzie had thought … she seemed, at most, five years old. Her blood-stained raven's-black locks fell across her flushed and scarred face in an eerie way. Her body was shaking and her lips were a frozen blue.

"The water must've been cold," sighed Izzie. Immediately, she began to order Diane around.

Meredith saw someone. Someone who she … knew. Not really knew, but thought she knew. A blue-lipped, close-eyed, unconscious woman with light blonde, wavy hair. She wasn't cut. She had drowned.

"Grey," nodded Callie. "Take her." Callie knew Meredith. She'd take good care of this patient. With another doctor hanging onto the cart, attempting to breathe life into the unbreathing figure.

"What happened?" asked Meredith.

"I don't know," shrugged the doctor helplessly. "I'm not really sure of anything that happened – I just found her in the front and she wasn't being taken care of properly."

"Oh. I thought you…"

"Were her boyfriend? I wish. She's a beauty."

Meredith rolled her eyes.

Cristina just watched. She found herself immobilized, frozen to the spot. She _loved_ this. She drank in the sharp scent of medicine mingled with blood and fear. It felt good. She saw the things she could cut, she saw the things she could stitch. But the issue was – which first?

"Yang! Get your _butt_ over to a cart!" screamed Callie, seeing Cristina.

"Ok, ok…which one?" asked Cristina.

"This one!" cried Callie, rolling a cart in Cristina's direction. "Now, _go_!" Cristina didn't have time to take a glance at the patient. There was too much chaos.


	23. Episode 11

_AN: Oh-my-dear-goshity-gosh. I'm leaving to be a counselor at a camp tomorrow! I'm so-so-so-so sad. I can't believe I have to leave my reviewed Fic behind! So, I'm going to update like insane today, and I'd better get a lot of reviews. Ok? Promise? Good. So, here it goes. _

- - -

There he was. In all his bloody glory. Couldn't he stay away from the hospital for more than two weeks? But he was there. Dent in his chin, still-gentle hands, and slight groaning noises protruding from his weak throat. Cristina shook for a moment, too many thoughts to piece together running amok in her brain. But now, pushing herself together, a sigh escaped from her parted lips.

"Dr. Yang!" cried the intern. "Dr. Yang, _please._ He—"

"Needs to be in surgery. I know." Cristina breathed out. "Um … hand me …"

The intern's hands already shot the tool towards her.

Cristina felt tears warning in her eyes, warbling at the bottoms of them. But she held them back, praying with God that she could just get this surgery over with and go cry in the on-call room …

"Dr. _Yang_!" scolded the intern.

"Shut up!" replied Cristina.

There he was.

Dr. Preston Burke.

- - - -

Izzie's finger traced along the little girl's scarred face. The look of immense fear was plastered there. It had frozen like that when they'd put her to sleep during surgery.

"Hon?" breathed Izzie. Feeling the girl's skin against her finger, she began to think. She'd always wanted kids. She wanted a kid like this. The child had the makings of being beautiful. Now, she was just an adorable five-or-six-year-old, but one day, she'd be gorgeous. Stunning. Heart-breaking. The golden-black of her curls that sprung about her nicely-toned skin, and the lips that sat pursed. They were rosy. She wouldn't need lipstick.

"Pa, pa," muttered the girl. But then, all particles of speech were lost to her again, and all she could do was open her eyes. "Owie."

"Owie's right," nodded Izzie. "But you'll be ok. How do you feel?"

"Owie."

"Ok."

"Papa?"

"No … we don't know who he is …"

"Papa!"

"Dr. Stevens?" asked Callie from the door. For a moment, she wavered, pregnancy sickness apparent on her face. But instead, still looking green, she gave a sickly grin.

"Hi, Chief," smiled Izzie. She didn't feel any hatred towards this woman. She couldn't. The poor, understandably hormonal woman that stood in front of Izzie with a bulging stomach and frizzy locks wasn't the type you could hate. All hard feelings were lost to Izzie.

"Hi. How's she?"

"She's asking for her dad."

"We can find her dad … we could run some tests," suggested Callie.

"Yea, we could." Izzie nodded. "But right now, she's half unconscious. Soon enough, she'll be conscious, but not right now. She just half wants her dad right now."

"Oh." Callie nodded, but then dropped the nod. She slid next to Izzie. "So …"

"Are you mad at me? For—"

"George? Um … it was wrong of you and … it's not like it's not a really, really sinful thing, because it is! But I think I'm ok. I can't be mad at you forever, right?"

"It's just, I'm sorry. We were drunk and—"

"Shh. It's ok."

"So … um … how's pregnancy?"

"How do you think?"

"Not so good, huh."

"Nope, not so good at all."

"I want kids one day," breathed Izzie, leaning against the bed. "I want a kid like her." Izzie pointed a lazy finger at the beautiful girl on the bed. "Beautiful and loyal to her parents. Even though I've only heard about five words out of the girl, and most of them were 'papa.' I wonder about her mama."

"Maybe she's dead," suggested Callie.

"Right. But I want a sweet kid who doesn't throw tantrums and who likes people. I want her to have a lot of traits from me."

"That's pretty much what I want this little growing thing in my stomach to be," said Callie. "Sweet and not much of an attitude … and I want her to like people. I promised George I wouldn't be one of those kinds of moms who won't let their kid date till the kid's thirty."

"Yea. I think it'd be cute if the kid had a little third-grade girlfriend or boyfriend." The two chuckled.

"I think you'd be a good mom. If you stopped sleeping with other people's husbands."

Izzie grimaced.

"Yea …"

"But you'd be good."

"You'll _be_ good."

"I'm excited. The room'll be perfect. We're already planning it. George was hoping … he was…"

"That I'd help? Of course!" Izzie's cheeriness positioned itself comfortably once again against her face. "That would be _great._"

"Good. How about Saturday?"

"Really?" Izzie's eyebrows lifted.

"Really."

- - -

Mark left kisses to leave his mark across Addison's unmoving forehead.

"Please come back," he whispered. "I want you to come back. I love you. I love you … I love you. You remember when I cheated on you. Want to know why?" He leaned closer. "Because I've never loved a woman like that. I've never loved somebody that much. It scared me. It scared the _shit_ out of me. So I ran and slept with people and was a big asshole. Because I loved you. It wasn't just a little _thing _with you. I…love…you."

Silence met this.

"I know you can hear me. You're supposed to. You can hear me kind of, and you're thinking it's a dream. But it's not. It's not a dream."

_Addison heard him. She heard him loud and clear. Tears flowed softly in her beautiful blue eyes as she let the words sink into her. Mark loved her. She felt the kisses. She felt him. His hands. Him. Derek and Alex sat on the bench nearby, sulking for their last. Mark's voice spit out from the clouds up above. _

"_She can hear you! Shut up, man!" cried Alex. _

"_Yea, shuddup," added Derek. _

"_You two shut up," responded Addison. She turned her head to the sky. "You can't hear me, honey! Please hear me?" _

"_He can't frikin' hear you. Now come over here and make out with me," sighed Alex. _

"_Thanks but no thanks." _

"_MARK! DOWN FROM THE SKY!" cried Addison. Suddenly, he was there. Yet, his voice still spurted from the sky. Mark's figure was down here, but it was unreal. _

_Suddenly, Addison felt the overwashing shock if it. _

_This wasn't real. _

_She was in a coma. _

"_MARK! MARK!" she screamed. _

"_He's not here," growled Derek. Alex and Derek stood up simultaneously, and suddenly ran to her. "No!" screamed Addison. They chased her through the gardens. The gardens changed and molded into dungeons. "No! No!" _

_- - - _

Meredith watched her carefully. She was fine. She had a boyfriend, too…he was outside. But he worked at a fast-food restaurant. His handsomeness was clear, and Meredith wondered if that was the only reason her patient dated him. He was rude, interfering, and his voice was high and obnoxious.

"Is she ok?" asked Bailey from the door.

"She's fine," responded Meredith. "She'll be fine." Meredith pushed her tears away; they'd have to be saved for another time.

"She looks like you," said Bailey, walking towards the girl. "She almost drowned and her hair's just like yours. So is her nose."

"If you're wondering, no, I _didn't_ have a kid I'm hiding from you guys."

"I wasn't thinking that. She's too old, anyways. It's just a strange resemblance. It's just a coincidence."

Meredith allowed what she was thinking to come out.

"Do you think my mom … y'know … had a kid she didn't tell me about?"

"I don't think she'd be able to hide that from you."

"Oh. Right. Yea."

Meredith's face looked sullen and fatigue crossed it like a curse.

"You're tired," decided Bailey. "Maybe you should take a break. It's clear nothing's going to happen to her."

"I think I will." Meredith – just like that – zipped out of the room. Bailey wondered _what_ in the _world_ was bothering that girl. Well, maybe it just brought back memories. The drowned woman.

- - -

Meredith was still drowning. The air choked from her lungs and water met her arms. Only this time, it wasn't really water. It was sadness. It washed over her with the same rhythmic pace as the waves. Each brought a surprise. She wasn't trying this time. Tears etched sunken lines across her face, and her head spun a web of depression.

"Derek," she choked. "Come back! Come back, Derek… Derek …"

"Still in love with him, _huh_," guessed Alex from the door. "He's a McAss, remember? Y' gotta listen to Cristina's take on life once in a while. Meredith didn't clear the tears away; instead, they ran freer.

"I'm in love. You can't just spit out love like that, you know?"

"I know."

"You wouldn't know!" accused Meredith. "You've never been in love! You just like _sex_!"

"That's not true," defended Alex. "Maybe before Laura, but _not_ now!"

"Laura? The one you had sex with the other night?"

"Yea," sighed Alex. "But I'm in love."

"Alex Karev in love," smiled Meredith, as if trying on the phrase. "Sounds very unlikely."

"You don't' know me!" Alex's defensive tone was surprisingly loud. He was angry.

"I'm sorry, Alex," backed down Meredith.

"I'm sorry for overreacting."

The two met eyes.

"This is awkward," said Meredith.

"Very," nodded Alex.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry."

- - -

Tequila. It flowed steadily through her bloodstream. It was a good thing she was at home, with nobody but sobbing Izzie by her side and Alex making his fifth hot dog.

"You eat a lot," sobbed Izzie for the fifth time.

"Sob all y' want, single-without-kids lady, but don't take out your sadness on me, ok?"

"Ok." Izzie brushed away tears and spewed them on Meredith.

"We really need to stop crying," sighed Meredith.

- - -

_AN: Gah! I'm turning into a BAD WRITER!!! Guys, please review. It'd mean the world to me on my last day writing FanFiction for a whole month. Ok? _

_PLEASE REVIEW. _

_PLEASE. _

_PLEASE. _

_PLEASE. _

_PLEASE. _

_-Emily- _


	24. Episode 11 Continued

Cristina came into the scene of chaos, and sighed, frustration clearly concealed in it.

"Ok, Meredith," said Cristina. "Tequila, out of mouth. Tequila bottles and shot glasses, in the sink. Izzie, stop crying. Alex, enough hot dogs. Everybody, in a circle, we'll try this therapy thing one more time. And I won't leave."

"How do you have the keys to our house?" asked Alex, although obliging to her commands. All obliged. Even Meredith. Izzie's tears were dried and her tissue was discarded on the ground by the time all four of them were on the ground.

"We're going to _talk._ Not cry, not eat, not drink – talk. Ok?"

"Damn it," smiled Alex. Cristina pushed him over. He shrugged.

"Ok, who goes first?" asked Izzie.

"How about you, Izzie?" suggested Cristina.

"Why the hell are you doing this, Cristina?" hissed Meredith as Izzie dried another dripping tear.

"It's my mitzvah of the week. Deal."

"Mitzvah?"

"Shh."

Izzie was beginning. "I want a kid. I want a kid and a boyfriend, and I have neither. I'm attractive, right?"

"Hell yeah," nodded Alex.

"Shut up," demanded Izzie. "I don't know what it is with me and guys. I could pick one up at a bar, but they wouldn't _mean_ anything! You know? We can't all get as lucky as Alex and find our true love over beers, ok?"

"You're hot, you're cheery, you're Izzie Stevens … I don't see how it's so hard for you to find a guy," admitted Cristina.

"I just … I have this patient, see? She's really cute, but it's so obvious she's going to be a knock-out when she grows up. And she only says 'papa, papa.' I want a kid who'd say 'mama, mama' when they're out and could die."

"This is a weird conversation," said Meredith.

"Any advice for Izzie?" asked Cristina. This earned a slam in the stomach from Meredith.

"Stop being not Cristina! Where'd Cristina go? You _ate_ her!"

"Izzie, it'll come in good time," said Alex. "You'll get a guy and you'll have hot kids, and they'll marry hot people, and the chain'll keep going. Lay off married guys, and take a round at Joe's. You'd actually be surprised."

"This is weird," sighed Meredith, leaning her head against the couch. "Cristina's being touchy-feely and Alex just gave advice."

"Deal," retorted Cristina. "It's my turn."

"_Your_ turn?" cried Meredith incredulously. "You're kidding, right? Please tell me you're kidding!"

"I'm not," responded Cristina. "Burke's my patient. He was on a boat. He can't stay away from t he hospital for a more than a week or two. He's all … unconscious, and I'm in love with him. It's so hard to operate on him and not make it feel … personal! I love him. I love Preston Burke and he doesn't love me anymore."

"He has to, Cristina," assured Meredith. "He broke off the wedding for _your sake."_

"Mine? Oh, what a load of good it did me!"

"So, how do we give advice for this?" asked Alex.

"You don't," Meredith told him. "You listen, sympathize, and then move on to your own problems. I don't feel like adding to this, so Alex, it's your turn."

"I don't have a _problem,_" said Alex. "At least not compared to you guys, Heart-Broken Woman and Single Girl. It's just I don't know how to deal with love. I've never been in love." Izzie couldn't hide the hurt this brought her. "I mean, I've gone through fake love and said 'I love you' far too many times. But I love her."

"Oh, that's sweet," Meredith nodded sarcastically. "Now, I'm off."

"MEREDITH!" all the residents screamed in unison.

"Wha-hat?" moaned Meredith.

"Back to your position. What's on your mind?" That was Izzie. Even Cristina couldn't push _that_ out.

"Derek. Love dies. It broke. Ok? Ok. Good." Meredith shoved off before they could stop her in her track.

- - -

Love. What is love? We all struggle with the thought at least once in our life. Are we in love? Or are we being falsely accused of it? Is it temporary or lasting?

As Alex felt Laura's warm body against his, panting subtly, he knew it. He knew it wasn't fake and it wasn't temporary. This was lasting, amazing love. It wasn't for sex. It wasn't for her beauty. It was for his love.

Love shouldn't be thought of in hearts and chocolates and romantic red roses left at doorsteps. That's fake. Love's an emotion – a surging feeling. You know it.

We can't force love upon ourselves, as much as Izzie wanted. She couldn't make herself love somebody and she couldn't force her yearn for kids on some random guy at Joe's. It wasn't that easy. And there was more to parenthood than she could ever imagine.

Cristina didn't know. She couldn't sort out the mingled feelings of love and hate and anger and sadness when she looked at Burke. She couldn't see the love of her life … she couldn't see anybody. She could only see her downfall. She wasn't set out for love.

Love breaks. It's a fragile thing, and never should it be taken for granted. For instance, kissing somebody else on your new home's porch is _never_ a good idea. It hurts. It shatters at your feet. No matter how much you try to kiss it and glue it together, it can never be prepared. Especially when this love has been dropped too many times.

Love.

It's not as easy as it looks.

- - -

_REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _

Cristina came into the scene of chaos, and sighed, frustration clearly concealed in it.

"Ok, Meredith," said Cristina. "Tequila, out of mouth. Tequila bottles and shot glasses, in the sink. Izzie, stop crying. Alex, enough hot dogs. Everybody, in a circle, we'll try this therapy thing one more time. And I won't leave."

"How do you have the keys to our house?" asked Alex, although obliging to her commands. All obliged. Even Meredith. Izzie's tears were dried and her tissue was discarded on the ground by the time all four of them were on the ground.

"We're going to _talk._ Not cry, not eat, not drink – talk. Ok?"

"Damn it," smiled Alex. Cristina pushed him over. He shrugged.

"Ok, who goes first?" asked Izzie.

"How about you, Izzie?" suggested Cristina.

"Why the hell are you doing this, Cristina?" hissed Meredith as Izzie dried another dripping tear.

"It's my mitzvah of the week. Deal."

"Mitzvah?"

"Shh."

Izzie was beginning. "I want a kid. I want a kid and a boyfriend, and I have neither. I'm attractive, right?"

"Hell yeah," nodded Alex.

"Shut up," demanded Izzie. "I don't know what it is with me and guys. I could pick one up at a bar, but they wouldn't _mean_ anything! You know? We can't all get as lucky as Alex and find our true love over beers, ok?"

"You're hot, you're cheery, you're Izzie Stevens … I don't see how it's so hard for you to find a guy," admitted Cristina.

"I just … I have this patient, see? She's really cute, but it's so obvious she's going to be a knock-out when she grows up. And she only says 'papa, papa.' I want a kid who'd say 'mama, mama' when they're out and could die."

"This is a weird conversation," said Meredith.

"Any advice for Izzie?" asked Cristina. This earned a slam in the stomach from Meredith.

"Stop being not Cristina! Where'd Cristina go? You _ate_ her!"

"Izzie, it'll come in good time," said Alex. "You'll get a guy and you'll have hot kids, and they'll marry hot people, and the chain'll keep going. Lay off married guys, and take a round at Joe's. You'd actually be surprised."

"This is weird," sighed Meredith, leaning her head against the couch. "Cristina's being touchy-feely and Alex just gave advice."

"Deal," retorted Cristina. "It's my turn."

"_Your_ turn?" cried Meredith incredulously. "You're kidding, right? Please tell me you're kidding!"

"I'm not," responded Cristina. "Burke's my patient. He was on a boat. He can't stay away from t he hospital for a more than a week or two. He's all … unconscious, and I'm in love with him. It's so hard to operate on him and not make it feel … personal! I love him. I love Preston Burke and he doesn't love me anymore."

"He has to, Cristina," assured Meredith. "He broke off the wedding for _your sake."_

"Mine? Oh, what a load of good it did me!"

"So, how do we give advice for this?" asked Alex.

"You don't," Meredith told him. "You listen, sympathize, and then move on to your own problems. I don't feel like adding to this, so Alex, it's your turn."

"I don't have a _problem,_" said Alex. "At least not compared to you guys, Heart-Broken Woman and Single Girl. It's just I don't know how to deal with love. I've never been in love." Izzie couldn't hide the hurt this brought her. "I mean, I've gone through fake love and said 'I love you' far too many times. But I love her."

"Oh, that's sweet," Meredith nodded sarcastically. "Now, I'm off."

"MEREDITH!" all the residents screamed in unison.

"Wha-hat?" moaned Meredith.

"Back to your position. What's on your mind?" That was Izzie. Even Cristina couldn't push _that_ out.

"Derek. Love dies. It broke. Ok? Ok. Good." Meredith shoved off before they could stop her in her track.

- - -

Love. What is love? We all struggle with the thought at least once in our life. Are we in love? Or are we being falsely accused of it? Is it temporary or lasting?

As Alex felt Laura's warm body against his, panting subtly, he knew it. He knew it wasn't fake and it wasn't temporary. This was lasting, amazing love. It wasn't for sex. It wasn't for her beauty. It was for his love.

Love shouldn't be thought of in hearts and chocolates and romantic red roses left at doorsteps. That's fake. Love's an emotion – a surging feeling. You know it.

We can't force love upon ourselves, as much as Izzie wanted. She couldn't make herself love somebody and she couldn't force her yearn for kids on some random guy at Joe's. It wasn't that easy. And there was more to parenthood than she could ever imagine.

Cristina didn't know. She couldn't sort out the mingled feelings of love and hate and anger and sadness when she looked at Burke. She couldn't see the love of her life … she couldn't see anybody. She could only see her downfall. She wasn't set out for love.

Love breaks. It's a fragile thing, and never should it be taken for granted. For instance, kissing somebody else on your new home's porch is _never_ a good idea. It hurts. It shatters at your feet. No matter how much you try to kiss it and glue it together, it can never be prepared. Especially when this love has been dropped too many times.

Love.

It's not as easy as it looks.

- - -

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